8/2-8/8/1991

Aug 2, 1991

Today was kind of a down day. We spent until 3:00 p.m. running around trying to take care of everyone who just transferred into here. By that time, I was so hungry that my headaches like crazy.  Anyway, the whole mess made for a long day.  After we got all of that done, we got a chance to finally go see some Hmong people.  We were able to see quite a few people, but mostly we scheduled a large number of appointments for later.  I feel like that was the first real chance that we have had to proselyte all week long.  

Today was the fourth day in a row that I got rocked at the mailbox.  I have a hard time trying to figure Kristin out.  She always says how she wants us to really be close, and then she quits writing to me.  i am not going to worry about it until I go home, but it definitely doesn’t make any sense to me at all.

I feel pretty down today.  I’m not too sure why.  I really miss Elder Barton.  I also miss home a lot.  I hate feeling homesick.  Oh well, that’s just how it goes.  i’ll just have to get over it.

Aug 3, 1991

Today has been a pretty good day.  I feel much better than yesterday.  However, I still feel a little homesick.  I hope that it soon goes away so that this ache will stop.  I wonder sometimes if this ache will every go away.

I got a letter from Kristin today.  She is really stressed about graduation and all of that stuff.  Apparently she had gone to Arizona this weekend.  She feels a lot of guilt right now about something.  I’m not so sure if she feels guilty about the stuff with Darin that she all ready told me about or if there is something else.  Anyway, I’ll have to write to her on P-day and see what I can do to get her to feel better.  I’m still unsure as to whether things between Kristin and I can ever work out, but only time will tell.

We watched the Prodigal Son today at Nopparat’s house.  It was so good.  That movie always seems to remind me of all of the things that I need to change in my life and in my attitude.  The funniest part is that I can see characteristics of my own in both the rebellious son and in the ‘righteous’ son.

I have so far to go, so much to learn, so much to change.  The only way that I can ever make it is through the help of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

August 4, 1991

I spent quite a while today studying the scriptures I have felt a very real absence of the Spiriit lately.  I realized today that I have allowed myself to be “too busy” to devote the time necessary to truly seek out the Spirit.  that MUST change.  One of my biggest faults is my ability to become so immersed in a project or a job that I forget some of the other things that I need to do.  I have allowed myself to become so immersed in taking care of the Hmong people that I have forgotten to take time out and devote the necessary energy to my own spiritual development.  Somewhere, i have to find a happy medium.  I can not forget myself or my work.  If I neglect either my own spiritual development or my work, I can not be successful.

Anyway, fasting today gave me a chance to spend some much needed time on my own spiritual development.  I have so far to go and so much to learn.  Somedays I wonder if I can ever progress far enough to be able to return to my Father in Heaven.  I have done so many things wrong, made so many mistakes; I wonder if I can ever earn a spot in my Father’s household. One thing is or sure.  Christ atoned for my sins.  All I can do is my best.  Allowing myself to be discouraged will get me absolutely no where.  I just have to press forward.  So much to do and so little time.

Aug 5, 1991

Dear President Bott,

Things here have been kind of hectic this week.  I want you to know that getting rid of the threesome here in Stockton was a good idea. We were simply unable to get team-ups often enough to make it worthwhile.  Elder Lindsay was quite nervous about being in a zebra, but I think he will be fine in a few weeks.

the reason that things have been so hectic here is a combination of transfers and lack of ability to meet people on a regular basis.  I am hoping for things with the Hmong people to settle down a little fairly soon.  Things with most of our investigators just seem to be in kind of a holding pattern.  we are trying to come up with ways to change that.  Thank you for all that you do for me.

Aug 6, 1991

We found out today that Nom chow Vaj and his family are all going to have to be baptized.  They say that they were baptized in Fillmore, Ut in 1982.  The only problem is that the missionaries that baptized them either filled out the forms incorrectly or didn’t fill them out at all.  There is still one more possible spelling of his ams that I need to track down, but after that I will have tried everything.  I spent and hour on the phone today with the records division in Salt Lake.  i talked to President Bott and he said to baptize them again.  This time we will be sure to fill the records our correctly.

Besides that, we have had a pretty good day.  We were able to teach some good discussions and things went pretty well.

I have not heard from my family for quite a while.  I wonder how they are doing on the house repairs.  I received a letter from Kristin yesterday.  She seems really scared about her big move coming up and all of this graduation stuff.  I wish that I could help hr somehow. Oh well, she will be just fine.  The Lord will take better care of her that I ever could.  It is really hard for me to be so far away from her.  i just wish I could know what was really in her heart. I miss her.

Aug 7, 1991

All right, I’ll admit it.  My knees hurt.  we have been riding our bikes all over this town and it has hurt  all day long.  Somedays I wonder what in the world the Lord wants me to learn from having sore legs.  I just wish that I could hurry up and learn it so that I could quit hurting.

Today was one of those days that no one was home.  That frustrates the crud out of me.  Anyway, we managed to teach a couple of discussions, meet with some members, and take care of some business.  It turns out the Nom Choj Vaj’s records are no where to be found.  Tomorrow we will go and explain some more to him about being rebaptized and try to schedule a baptism date for him.  That will certainly be the very most golden family that I have every taught.  I hope and pray that the Lord will watch over us and help him to understand why he needs to be baptized again.

Tonight we went on team-ups with Elder Hall (our Z.L.) He had never been on team-ups with Asian Elders who translated everything to him.  It was so fun to be able to see his love for the Hmong people grow as he heard their stories, questions, and ideas.  I wish that I could help everyone to catch a glimpse of why I love these people so much.  I love to be a Hmong missionary.  I love to serve my Father in Heaven.

Aug 8, 1991

We definitley did not catch an overly abundant number of people home today, but we did manage to teach some discussions and accomplish some things.  I have really been trying to be positive and energetic today, but I am so tired that I just can’t believe it.  I’m not too sure what it is, but I am still finding myself tired all of the time.  I also wish that I knew a little more about what was going on with everyone at home.  It is kind of hard to just drop everything all together and forget about home.  I find myself often wondering about what Kristin is doing, if she is still waiting for me, or is she even cares.  The last letter that I received from Kristin was dared July 30.  I just feel so detached from the real world.  i am really getting tired of feeling tired all of the time.  I think that my problem with my knees have really worn me out. Constant pain seems to do that.

The missionary work here is going forth.  i just wish that it would go forth at the speed that I want it to.  It just seems so frustrating sometimes.  I think I’ll quit complaining now and go to bed.  A little sleep will probably help.

7/26-8/1/1991

July 26, 1991

Today surely had been a long day.  We rode out bikes down to Farmington (a long ride) and spent all day visiting inactive members.  It was kind of fun in that it gave us the opportunity to teach a lot of discussions.  It had been painfully obvious as of late that we need to try to get the branch back on its feet before we will have much success with proselyting.  We met a large number of members.  I hope that some of them will have a change of heart and start coming to church again.

Things with Elder Lindsay were especially tough today.  I’m not sure exactly what the problem is, but he had been extremely unwilling to tai any language advice from me.  we had a long talk tonight, and both of us are going to try to make some changes.  Hopefully things will smooth our a little.

I am starting to get things back into perspective a little.  For some reason or another, I have been very stressed largely.  That makes it difficult to feel the Spirit.  Anyway, everything felt a whole lot better today.  I hope that it will stay that way.

I got a letter from Lance Evans today.  He was m zone leader when I first got to Stockton.  He is now in Provo getting ready to go to school.  I can’t believe that people I knew actually are home!  That is definitely an interesting thought.

July 27, 1991

We spent out morning getting some repairs done on the car.  Missionaries are so hard on cars. Our car needed both new brakes and tires.  the shop only had time to do the brakes, so we will have to go back on Tuesday morning and get the brakes fixed.

This afternoon we went and saw Va Vang.  He is one of the less-active members that we have been working with.  After that, we went to a party.  i met a guy who was a really neat guy and knew a lot about religion.  the problem was that the simply wouldn’t accept the idea of having only on true church.  That has got to be Satan’s most damnable doctrine.  He convinces people that no matter which church they got to they will still make it to heaven.  that pattern of thinking simply justifies people in their laziness in finding the truth.  They won’t even pray and ask.  It reminds me of Moses and the brazen serpent.  It would be o simple for these people to find the truth if they would only kneel down and ask.  Satan has them convinced that because of the easiness of that way, they can’t possibly find out that way.  Instead they resign themselves to becoming victims of Satan’s terrible design.

I know the church is true.  I will defend and proclaim that testimony to my death.  I love the Lord with all of my heart.  He atoned for my sins.  I write this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

July 28, 1991

This morning we had a meeting with Brother Dolber.  He is the high council representative to our branch.  We went through the list of problems that our branch is having.  I just can’t believe how little the stake seems to know or care about what is happening in our branch.  Anyway, I don’t think we are going to get much help from the Stake for a while.  Everything that we talked about kind of went in one ear and out the other.  I just got  the feeling that the stake wasn’t prepared to do much by way of providing people to help. 

Church today was quite nice.  we had 12 priesthood holders there again. In addition to that I got to help Tee, Nopparat’s husband, sinister the sacrament.  it was really a neat experience.

Tonight the entire deistic had a joint D.A. with one of the workers in one of the branches.  Afterwards, her husband asked us to give her a blessing.  while we wer all giving her that blessing, I realized how truly blessed I a to be counted worthy to stand in a circle with eight elders of the Lord to give a priesthood blessing to on e of His daughters.  I am truly blessed in the fact that I am allowed to hold the priesthood.  I have so far to go that I can hardly believe it.  There is just so much to learn and so far to go.  I wonder if I’ll ever make it back to my Heavenly Father.

July 30, 1991

Today had been a pretty good day.  After DDM, I went on gem-ups with Xiong Vang.  It was fun.  We were ably to teach three discussions that went really well.  i think that between putting my relationship with Kristin in the right perspective (finally) and taking time out to spend some time realizing yesterday, I am much more positive and energetic.  I have really been trying lately to be more supportive and less critical in my relationships with others.  I have really been trying to concentrate on being more Christ-like and I am honestly beginning to see some progress.  I certainly have a long way to go, but sooner or later I’ll get there.  I Just have to try to take it one day at a time.

We taught one of our discussions today to Kao Lee and his family.  He had taken a discussion on Sunday. By today, he had taught his wife all about the apostasy and had her reading the Book of Mormon. I am really excited about that family.  Something good was bound to happen sooner or later.  This month had been tough, probably because of the wonderful success we were blessed with last month.

Transfer calls will come tomorrow morning.  I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen.  Actually, I think it would be a good deal if bothing changed, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

I got a lot of mail yesterday.  It really helped me to straighten some things out in my mind.

Dear President,

Yesterday was the first chance for me to take some ‘time out’  since our interview.  It was wonderful!  I feel much better and I have a much better outlook.  This week had been very busy.  We have concentrated a great deal on our inactive members and it see,s to have paid off.  Our church attendance was way up this week.  We also spent from 1:30 am to 6:00 am in the hospital one night translating for a family whose little girl was having seizures.  I think that when we spend time like that it is well worth the study time that we lose while sleeping the next morning.  We are still gutting little to no support in the branch from the stake.  However, our branch president is doing his best with what he has to work with, so all in not lost.

Things with the threesome are going fairly well, I wish that I could say that we went on splits more often, but we’re still working on that.  i am beginning to notice doe progress in myself too.  I am learning.  Satisfied?  No, but I’m working on it.  thanks for all of your effort on my behalf.

Aug 1, 1991

Well, transfer calls came again yesterday morning.  Elders Barton and Lindsay both got transferred, Elder Barton to Modesto and Elder Lindsay to Porterville. My new companion is Elder Taylor form Plaino, Texas.  he attended BYU the same year that I did.  He had been out for 8 months, 6 months out of the MTC.  I am really hoping that things go well.

Today we rode our bikes all the way down to the hospital to see some members that are there.  About four blocks from the hospital, Elder Taylor got a flat tire. That made for a long walk home.  I hear that Elder Gardner has been sent back to Visalia.  i am so happy about that!  That means that some of the people that I was working with there will be worked with again.  Not only that, it means that Mee and Jar Xiong will have someone there to help them out too.  They need some support.

I can’t believe that I have been in California for a year!  It seems both like I just got here and like I’ve been here forever.  There is so much to do and so little time in which to do it.

7/19-7/25/1991

July 19, 1991

Today has been a pretty good day.  We were able to teach 5 discussions, so that really felt good.  Besides that, I have really slept well these last two nights.  That’s the first time in weeks that I have slept well.  I hope that I can make a habit of it.

We decided today that we needed to lay it on the line with our investigators and see how they respond.  i really hope that they will be able to sense the importance of our message and earnestly seek the truth.  I think that we have led them along for long enough now.  it is time for them to stand on their own a little.  I hope and pray that they will be able to make it.

July 20, 1991

We spent some tie today teaching some new member discussions to some of our new converts.  I love to teach new member discussions. People are so much easier to teach when they have all ready received the Holy Ghost.  Nopparat told us about how she chewed our a protestant minister (American) who was giving her a hard time about believing in Joseph Smith.  She did it in front of all of her friends at work too.  Moral of the story?  Never cross an Asian woman who has a testimony.

Mee and Har Xiong called today from Visalia.  It was so goof to talk to them!  Mee has been having some really bad headaches for about a month.  They called because they were embarrassed to call anyone down in Visalia.  Anyway, I called Brother Cox and asked him to take care of it for me, he said he would.

We also went and taught Ze Moua and his wife today.  I can see some really progress taking place with them.  I really hope that they will come to church Sunday.  I guess that we’ll just have to wait and see.

I have got so much progress to make and so little time to make it.  I sincerely hope and pray that the Lord will help me to become the type of man that He wants me to be.

July 24, 1991

Where do I start?  I have had a bad case of the flu for the east few days.  I didn’t throw-up or anything, it was just that my whole entire body ached and I was extremely nauseated.  As a result, I haven’t put a whole lot of effort into missionary work.  We have taught a few discussions and stuff, but for the most part my time had been occupied by just being sick.

I have heard from Mom, Dad, and Kristin so far this week.  Everyone seems to be doing well.  Kristin had made me realize that we are going to have to spend a lot of time getting to know each other when I get home.  I am really excited for that.  It will really be fun to spend time like that with her again.

I am looking forward to getting back at the work again.  In fact, I had better get started now. 

Dear President,

I was all set for my few hours of relaxation like you told me to take each P-day, but I woke up on Monday morning with the flu.  Needless to say, I am more run down at this point than I was for our interview. I am hoping that this coming P-day will provide a chance for some spiritual as well as physical rejuvenation.

As far as the work in Stockton goes, I am afraid that we are getting to the point that we need to drop a number of our investigators.  Right now I am kind of avoiding any major decisions until I am completely over this flu.

The threesome is working well, though I am afraid that it has increased our productivity little.  we are having ream-ups about twice a week, but hoping to pick that up soon.  thanks

July 25, 1991

Today was really a long day.  it started at 1:30 am when one of our members called us with a baby on the way to the emergency room. Elder Barton and I went and translated until 5:00 am  We came home an slept until about 9:00 am  The only problem was that the phone rang every 1/2 hour between 6:30 am and 9:00 am.  At that point, I decided to get up and get back to work.

We wet and saw quite a few people today.  I went on splits with Xiong Yang for a while this afternoon to see some of our inactive members.  I learn so much from ciong every time I go with him.  Not just in the sense that I learn a lot of Hmong, but I learn so much about the gospel and about how to be more Christ-like.

I got a letter from Kristin today.  I wish so badly that I knew how things would turn our between us.  I am going to give it all I’ve got.  we are definitely being tried, that’s for sure.  The only thing is that I can’t tell whether we are just being tested or if the Lord is dying to tell us that He has other things in mind.  I am just going to keep praying, writing , and loving Krisitin.  I wanted so badly to send her flowers, but deep down I had a feeling that said I shouldn’t, so I didn’t.

I am so tired.  I just feel inadequately equipped to deal with anything today.  Maybe some sleep will help.

7/12/1991- 7/18/1991

July 12, 1991

Today was a pretty good day.  We had zone conference from 9:00 am to 2:00 pm.  After that, we went down to Ze Mous’a place.  It really went well because we had a member lady go help us teach his wife.  His wife was really excited to pray about it and find out the truth.  After that, we went on team-ups.  I went with one of the Cambodian Elders, Elder Webster, and went and taught a discussion to a Cambodian family.  Then we went to see Boun Pheng and his family.  That went just awesome too. I know that things here are going to happen soon.  I can not wait!  I am really praying hard that things will come through for all of our investigators.  (Notice the immediate enablement from CTR and not calling Kristin.  Also because he wrote down what the spirit taught him- see July 11th.  Dad didn’t just figure it out.  He was open to the spirit and was taught this principle.)

I have felt the Spirit stronger today than I have in a long time.  it feels so good.  I guess everybody has their ups and downs, but it seems like the last few weeks have been a down.  It sure feels nice to have an up.

Surprise again! No mail today.  i guess that’s just the way it goes.  I wish that there was some way to tell my family how important their letter are to me.  Kristin is really busy with school.  I just wish she could take enough time out for us to be close.  I guess she’ll spend time with those people doing the things that are most important to her.

7/7/1991- 7/13/1991

Dear President,

Well, things have really picked up here during the last half of this week.  We are really looking forward to the next couple of weeks.  The threesome up here is working out well, although I’m not sure to what extent we are utilizing our third member.  Team ups have been at the rate of about 8/hours a week.  Hopefully that will increase this coming week. The last couple of weeks have been kind of tough, but things are rally starting to pick up again.  The Lord never lets us struggle too long, just enough to keep us humble.  It seems as though things will be busy here for the next couple of months at least,  just with the contact we have now.  i wish I could slow things down.  My time as a missionary is going by way too fast.  Time flies when your having fun.

July 13, 1991

What a busy day!  I feel like things around here have been going absolutely non-stop!  I have been to the hospital, taught discussions, been to a wedding, and basically gone crash trying to keep up with everything.

I got an envelope from Kristin today.  She sent me 11 pictures and a not that said she loves me.  Once again, she made my day.  I can’t believe how beautiful she is!  I wish I knew more about what she is doing, what she found out in Heber, how she is feeling, if she is sleeping better, what she is scared about, how her school work is going, and all of that other stuff that missionaries worry about. I want to be close to her so badly, but it is pretty difficult to be close to her when I don’t know anything about what is going on in her life.  I mean, I understand that she is busy, but I can’t help but feel like she thinks that she can just set our relationship aside for a period of time and just pick-up where we left off whenever she wants.  I also find it hard to believe that she honestly doesn’t have time to tell me all of that stuff.  i can’t help but wonder what she spends her time doing and who with.  We all make time for the things that we think are most important.  I just wish she could see what this time “apart” does to us.  Why can’t she see how much she means to me?  Where is my Kristin?  (If Kristin had really been committed to dad, she would have been doing everything she could to spiritually support him and encourage him to choose the right.  She would have been thinking more of him than herself and what was best for him in the long run.  Kristin used dad for attention and then ignored him when she could get it else where.  These are some important patterns to look for when you are dating.  If someone really loves you they will sacrifice and they will encourage you to do the right thing even when it is hard.  If someone is not doing that, then they aren’t the right girl for you.)

July 14, 1991

Today was a pretty lousy day. (Kristin pulled him away from the spirit again)  It all started this morning at about 3;00 am.  I was have had the hardest tie sleeping lately.  I guess I just have a lot  going through my mind.  Things with Kristin really worry me.  It has been a long time (2-3 months) since I received a confirmation that Kristin is still the one for me.  I don’t know what it is.  I just feel like something is really missing.  It scares me really bad.  She seems so far away.  I don’t know what the problem is.  I don’t know if it is just that we have been apart for so long or what.  I mean, I love Kristin with all of my heart, but things have been so up and down largely that i just don’t even know which way this whole thing is going.  I just don’t know.  (Kristin was a ‘wrong road’ for dad… Elder Holland’s story about choosing roads in the desert… It was the road he was to start on for some learning experiences, but not the permanent direction he was to go. The spirit is trying to communicate this to dad, but he is struggling with his will in the matter.  He really wants it to work out.  He has invested a lot of time and his heart into the relationship.  Right now there isn’t another better option, so it is hard to go from something to nothing.  The spirit knows what is going on with Kristin and he is trying to warn dad that this is not his path. When you are struggling with your will, you are not aligned to receive spiritual enablement.  You will see this with dad.)

Church today was an absolute disappointment.  I don't even know where everyone was.  we didn’t have very many people there.  In addition to that, not even one of our investigators showed up.)

That is enough of being a whimp!  I feel better about things with Kristin.  I have been listening to some old tapes.  The same warm feelings just come flooding back.  I have prayed about it and I just feel warm all over again.  I wish that I could have back all of the tapes that she has sent to me.  I think that I’ll ask her to send them to me.  I love her with all of my heart.  I just wish that I knew more about what was going on in her life now.  ( Dad mistook the comfort the spirit was trying to give him when he prayed as confirmation that things would work out.  This is very easy to do, especially when you have strong emotional feelings.  I am adding these commentaries so that you will see patterns and learn from your dad’s experiences.  Dad was very young and it is hard to see these things when you are in the middle of them.  These were lessons that you dad understood looking back and things we had talked about.  These are the things he would say to you if he were here to teaching you what to look for so that you choose wisely.)

July 18, 1991

It has been a few days since I wrote in my journal. I guess that there just has not bee a whole lot going on. Elder Barton has had diarrhea really bad for the last two days, so there hasn’t been a whole lot going on.  we did go yesterday for an hour and teach a Hmong class to a bunch of Hmong kids.  That was kind of fun.

Lately I have been feeling really burned-out.  Where is my motivation?  Where is it?  Where is my desire?  What have I been solo tired and weak? I found out Tuesday night that I can not get that motivation from anywhere also.  It has to come from me.  I have to be able to motivate myself to do this for however long the Lord wants me to.   I just wish that I wasn’t always so died.  i have tried just about everything I know how to do to get back up, but it all seems to get me down more.  i don’t know what’s wrong.  I have an interview with President Bott in about an hour.  Maybe that will help me out. 

I got a letter form Kristin yesterday.  It made me realize how much she has really grown up. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before, but she had really matured.  She is chafing a lot she is really improving herself.

Well, my interview with President Bott went really well this morning.  I told him about how I had been feeling largely.  He asked me when the last time was that I took a full P-day.  I couldn’t even remember.  Anyway, he told me that i was to take three hours a week for myself.  During those 3 hours, I am not to write letters, think about the work, or study.  It is supposed to be time for just me.  I honestly can’t remember the last time that I spent three waking hours like that.  No wonder I feel so worn down.

President also told me that I am to spend the remainder of my mission developing qualities that will make me a desirable husband and a good father.  Her told me that before I get married, I will have to learn to drive myself as hard a s I currently do without making those around me feel as though I expect them to do as much as me as well as me.  This will enable me to be able to work hard and succeed without being hard on my wife and kids.  The next 9 months hold a lot of lessons for me. President said that the Lord expects me to learn in the next 9 months what President has learned in the last 25 years.  I’ve got so far to go. (This is the time that I had just met Josh and I was thinking those same things.  I was focusing on what I needed to learn to be the best wife possible.  Even though we did not know it, the Lord was preparing us both simultaneously.  You’re dad did an excellent job with this.  I never felt that he was putting me down.  Of course, I could keep up pretty well with your dad ;)

I need to learn to take time out for me, even as a missionary.

7/5/1991-7/11/1991

July 6, 1991
This whole week has been somewhat frustrating.  I am not too sure why this week has been so hard. I am absolutely positive that great things are about to happen.  I guess that I shouldn’t be too depressed about this week, we did teach 16 discussions this week, so it wasn’t a complete loss.
Things with both comps are going very well.  Elder Barton is kind of having a hard time again.  His girlfriend sent him a tape.  She says that the guy that she was planning on marrying spent the night with her several times, but “nothing happened.”  Anyway, she’s not getting married to him anymore, but now my comp doesn’t know what to do.  I guess he’ll feel better in a while.  I just wish there was something that I could do to help him out.
Elder Lindsay seems to be adjusting fairly well.  He has a lot of good ideas and fresh energy.  He is slowly getting used to the type of schedule that we are running.  i think that it would be fair to say that he is not used to being this busy.
I and fasting to have the Spirit this month and for this area.  Fasting works!  Time for bed.  (Notice the change when he decides to fast… enablement!)
6/30-7/6 1991
Dear President,
We just finished out meeting with Presdient Sallway.  It was fairly encouraging.  Hew was aware of some of out problems and said that as of Sept 1 there would be some good people called to work in the branch.  The discouraging part is waiting for 2 more months.  So far, the threesome here seems to be going well. We have been on splits twice, which I guess is pretty good.  Hopefully we will be able To do better this next week.
The work has been somewhat slow this week.  I hope that it is only the trial of out faith before the great blessings come.  We have also had a number of problems with Elder Barton’s bike.  i.e.. the chain broke about 5 miles from home.  That bike seems to have taken up a great deal of our time.  I hope that things will be back on track this next week.  We have a number of families that are in the process of deciding whether to be baptized or not.  I guess we’ll have to keep at it and see how it comes out in the end.  Thanks for everything
July 9, 1991
Today was really a good day.  We were on splits all day.  Elder Barton went with Lao Elder today and Elder Lindsay and I went together.  We taught a total of 4 discussions, so it was pretty good.  We picked up two really good families.  The summer is proving to be a difficult time to find Hmong people at home.  We also went and helped Boan Pheng get his car fixes as well as filling out the applications for Cheng Moua and his wife to become citizens.  In addition to those things, we went to the doctor today.  Elder Lindsay is coming down with the same rotten cold and sinus infection that I had been having such a hard time getting rid of.  Needless to say, we have had an extremely busy day.  In addition to all of that, I got up at 5;00 am this morning to write a letter to Kristin since I didn’t get a chance to write any letter yesterday at all.
I’m pretty tired, so I think I’ll go to bed.  I have felt kind of uneasy about something lately, but I’m not to sure what it is.  I hope I soon get over it so that I can start sleeping better.  I wish I could pinpoint what it is I’m feeling.  good-night.
July 10, 1991
This entry is all in Hmong.  Kristin’s name is in it and then there is a poem about being hurt.
When you get hurt, sometimes the cut goes deep.
You sew it up and put a bandage on it, 
mostly for the sake of the one that caused the hurt.
Then , when she’s not looking, you hurt, bleed, and cry.
If there was only some way to sew up the inside too.
Sometimes all you can do is five it time to heal.
I sure hope that it heals soon.
July 11, 1991
Today just plain was mediocre.  I don’t know why, but we have had about 15 mediocre days in a row.  I’m really having a hard time with Elder Lindsay.  He is very skeptical about everything.  In addition to that, he refuse to be instructed in Hmong.  I have tried about every way that I know how to approach him about helping him.  I guess that he figures that he knows it all ready, I don’t know what to do to help him.
I got a letter from Kristin today. She seems okay, but she is still having a hard tie sleeping at night. I wish so much that I could help her, but I know that we have to rely on the Lord. 
If I call her on the phone, it will make things better for a while, and then they will get worse again.  We have to show that we are willing to obey the Lord, then He will take care of her.

Chia has been busy now for three days straight.  I hope we soon get to see hime to find out what he has decided about baptism.  I wish there was something I could do to speed things up here in Stockton.  I guess I have to learn to do things at the Lord’s pace.  (BIngo!  Dad figured it out!)

6/28/1991- 7/4/1991

June 28, 1991

I am homesick. There is just no question about it.  Kristin sent me a picture today.  She is so beautiful!  I suppose that it serves me right for calling her on Monday (NOTE WHAT HAPPENS TO DAD WHEN HE IS NOT OBEDIENT)  …I’m editing stuff about Kristin…It’s also been a long time since I heard from my parents.  It’s really hard to be so far awash from the ones that I love.

Today has otherwise been a fairly good day.  Things are going well, but we are in kind of a rut. We are basically teaching four discussions a day, but we don’t seem to be helping anyone make any real progress. It seems as though the Lord is trying to tell me that He will do this at Hid own rate. (OR THAT IF YOU AREN”T OBEDIENT THEN YOU DON”T GET THE EXTRA ENABLEMENT.. You’re dad was young and he didn’t understand that every time he focused on Kristin and dwelt his thoughts on her and broke mission rules that he lost the extra enablement and direction of the spirit.  It hurt the work and Dad was left emotionally hurting.  Learn from his example and commit to be perfectly obedient to the mission rules) 

—- alex 8/10 June 29, 1991

Well, we certainly did not get very much done today. For some reason, every single one of four investigators was not home.  I don’t know exactly why, but we sure have a hard time getting with people on Saturdays.  I really wish that P-day was on Saturday instead of Monday. Oh well, you can’t have everything.  We did manage to teach two discussions, making 20 for the week, but we didn’t manage to get anyone to commit to baptism on a specific date during this whole week.  That makes it a pretty mediocre week.

I got a long letter from Kristin today. She is really feeling lonely.  i wish that I could just make her see how important she is and how soon I will be coming home.  When Kristin feels lonely, she has a very hard time keeping an eternal perspective.  i guess we all do.  Anyway, I just wish I could help her see. I am going to pray really hard for her.  I know that it is especially hard for her not to date and be close to someone  when she feels this way.  however, the Lord has to prove us all. i know that she can make it. If only she could see how fast these ten months will go.  If only I could help her.  She is so wonderful. I am really hoping and praying for her to make it through this.  I love her.

June 30, 1991

I realized something really important this morning while I was praying.  I realized that if I really want the Lord to take care of Kristin, then I have to let Him take care of her.  As long as I am talking to her on the phone, the Lord cannot take care of her for me because I am trying to do it.  Not only that, He can do a far better job that I can.  Even more important no matter what Kristin does or what she decides to do, the Lord will take care of me.  Even if my worst fears (every missionaries worst fear) are realized and she sends me a Dear John, the Lord will provide for me.  I still hope and pray that she’ll be there, but I have to stop worrying about the things that the Lord will do far better than I can if I will only let Him.  The best thing that I can do for Kristin is to pray for her and communicate with her only through the mail.  IF Kristin ends up marrying Scott or Darin or somebody else, the Lord will still take care of me. Kristin and i have the chance to marry each other, but if she decides to marry someone else then the Lord will still provide for me.

Today went really well.  I spoke in church today and told everyone about the run-in with the hmong minister.  Then I told them all about why it is that we do missionary work and how important reactivation is.  Anyway, it went well.  We have a ton of work to do this week, so I’m going to go to bed.

July 1, 1991
Today wasn’t P-day, so it was kind of a normal day.  We went to the hospital to translate for a member family at 6:00 am.  We stayed there until 1:30 pm.  Needless to say, we didn’t have much study time.  There is a lot of stuff that needs to be done up here in Stockton.  I don’t know how in the world we are ever going to catch up.  We have so much going on that it is becoming increasingly difficult to give each investigator the attention that they need in order to help them come unto baptism.  I’m tires and going to bed. (One of the reason’s dad’s attitude is kind of bad in this entry is that I cut out a whole section about him talking to Kristin.  Apparently she is going through the repentance process and she calls dad for support.  I think dad thought he was helping her, but in the end it was something that she needed to prove to the Lord that she could do alone.  Plus, by breaking mission rules, your dad looses his enablement and his ability to feel the spirit.  It is important not to rationalize disobedience.)
July 2, 1991
I got some really good news today.  Elder Lindsay will be coming up here tomorrow at about noon or so.  That is awesome.  now if we can just get some team-ups for every evening, it will be awesome.  That way we can get twice as much work done.  It will also be nice to find out how some of the families in Fresno that Elder Baker and I worked with are doing.
I went to see the doctor again this afternoon.  He gave me some more antibiotics as well and a very strong decongestant/anti-histamine.  The decongestant works awesome, but it sure as heck makes me sleepy.
Oh, yeah, the other good news's that the Lao Elders are moving out of our apartment to move in with some other Elders so that there will be room here for Elder Lindsay.  That will certainly remove much of the unnecessary stress from my life.  
We were able to teach only three discussions today, but they were much higher quality discussions than we have been having lately.  I feel pretty good about the day.  However, between district meeting and my doctor’s appointment, It sure didn’t seem like a whole day of missionary work.  Oh well, I guess some days are just that way.
July 3, 1991
Today was a pretty good day, but between being on our bikes and the 110F weather, it seemed like it took an awful lot of effort to get anything done at all.  We only got three discussions taught today, so that was kind of a bummer.  When it is this hot, the Hmong people who don’t have air conditioning are never home.  I don’t know for sure where they go, but it must be better than staying at home.  We have been unsuccessful so far this month in committing anyone for baptism.  We are hoping to get some commitments this weekend.
We got Elder Lindsay up here today.  I don’t know for sure how long we’ll have three Elders here in Stockton, but it is sure nice for now.
I was hoping to be able to spend most of the day tomorrow proselyting, but neither of my comps wants to do that. Oh well!
The decongestant that the doctor gave me is still working really well, I only wish it didn’t make me so cotton pickin’ tired.  I don’t think I’ll take any tomorrow.  That way I can see if I’m getting any better or not.
July 4, 1991

Yesterday was a pretty hard day.  We didn’t do any work all day long.  My comps both said that they needed a break.  Anyway, the zone had a big party over at the church.  Since I couldn’t play basketball, I sat and watched some moves that the ZL’s rented.  We watched Rocky V, Arachnophonis, and Three men and a Little Lady.  It was kind of fun to sit down and watch some movies. (Obviously, dad’s mission had different rules than they do now.  However, I want you to see what he thinks of the week on July 6th.  I don’t think dad put it all together, but by not consecrating himself this week, he lost the enabling power of the spirit.  You can see that in his attitude and in the success they have.  Somethimes we have hard times and the Lord pulls away to test if we can remain valiant in the dark as well as the light and the dark is simply a test and not representative of disobedience.  However, if you feel the enabling power leave, it’s time to take inventory in your heart.  It’s time to repent and make changes and keep pushing forward so that we can experience the light again.)
I still don’t deal very well with Holidays as a missionary.  The plain fact of the matter is that if all I’m going to do is goof off all day long, then I’d rather be at dome goofing off.  Oh well, at least there aren’t too many more holidays left on my mission.

Tonight we went to watch the fireworks with Boun Pheng and his family.  It was pretty fun to see so many kids see their very first fourth of July fireworks.  While we were watching, I could  help but wonder where Kristin was, where my family was.  I always get homesick watching the fireworks.  We did, however, get a food contact while we were there.  I have been away from home now for 3 4th of July in a row.  Maybe next year I’ll get to be home.

6/21/1991-6/27/1991

June 21, 1991

I went to the doctor this morning, who gave me some antibiotics and said that I should be better in a week.  I sure hope so because by the time we got home tonight I was nearly dead.  i don’t know exactly what I caught, but it sure got me good.

Despite the way I felt, we had a pretty good day today.  We taught 5 discussions, so I guess that I deserve to be tired today.  The one disappointment that we had today was that Ze mona said that he has to wait until his mother gets home next month before he and his wife can get baptized.  Now I’m hoping that we will be able to teach and baptize his mother too. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

I have done a lot of thinking today.  I have come to the conclusion that Kristin and I will be tried a lot in the next ten months.  The result of those ten months, what happens , and how we deal with loneliness and being alone will truly show how much it is worth to us.  I wish that I could get a confirmation of the fact that Kristin will wait for me and all will be as planned, but right now all that I get is a “wait and see.”  The Lord is just testing my faith I am sure.  I could never forget the answers of the past, I just wish that I Could get a reconfirmation now.  I am tired and so I am going to bed.

 (Mom:  I relate a lot to what dad is feeling here and I want to offer my perspective and your dad’s perspective on this years down the road.  Dad always felt good and right about dating Kristin.  He extrapolated beyond that answer that she was the girl he was to marry.  Kristin was intended to be in his life during this period to teach him and her important lessons. They impacted each other and your dad was a different father, and husband because of things that he learned; however, this was always intended to be a temporary helping. This was one of those ‘wrong roads’ that Elder Holland spoke about.  Dad could not get confirmation because the thing that he desperately wanted was not right.  God did not tell him this, because the lesson to be learned was not finished and He knew that in time, this answer would be apparent to Dad.  Later, it did become clear.  If an answer does not come right away it is important to remember that God sometimes says ‘wait.’  If Dad would have know, he would not have put energy into helping Kristin, energy that I believe was not wasted, but that later influenced her to change things in her life.  Dad also needed to learn to trust God’s plan instead of his own.  God had something better in mind for dad than Kristin, but Scott did understand or know what that could be.  He could only see Kristin at that time.  But while all of this was happening, God was preparing me through my relationship with Josh to be ready when you Dad got home.  We were both prepared by people we love who were not intended to be our eternal companions.  I was praying that same prayer about Josh and I was getting that same answer., “wait and see.”  When the time was right, we both knew.  We knew… 100% knew.  Never in my life have I heard a voice from heaven, but that night, when I prayed about Dad I did.  Your dad undeniably knew too.  Our eyes were opened and we saw how all of our lives had prepared us to come together. Neither of us could ever deny that.  Lesson to be learned?  Do what is right, do God’s work and He will bless you more that you can fathom.  His blessings will be greater than you can comprehend.  Let Him figure it out.  Work on being in tune to the spirit and being 100% faithful, diligent and obedient and you will be overly compensated for all losses.  That is even true now.  Dad and I are apart for awhile, but I have seen a portion of what this is supposed to accomplish.  The fruit is worth the effort in cultivating.  What we give up and sacrifice now will be paid back 100 fold… filled up and overflowing.  I know this.  I have seen it, and I will not ever deny it.  This is worth it and so it every trial and struggle you will come to face.  You knew that before you were born.  You saw the effects of these things and we were honored to accept the foreordinations and responsibilities that were given us.  Our family has a special role to play in the upcoming closing days of this dispensations.  God needs a pure people before the Savior can return.  We are to be part of that people and we are to help others follow that path.  Our role is that of mentoring and leadership.  It is what we were born to do, it is our central purpose, it is the reason that Dad is on the other side.  We needed to placed on a tract where the things of eternity would more heavily weigh on our minds.  We needed to have incentives to search deeper and we needed the aid of a close family member on the other side to show us how to receive personal revelation easier so we could move forward on the covenant path…to gain the knowledge and blessings promised us in the temple in THIS LIFE.  That is what we need to do to become a pure people ready to receive the Savior.)

June 22, 1991

1 Nephi 21: 1-10

Isaiah often speaks for Christ in the 1st person.  When he does this, the tens Lord and God refer to God the Father.  This changes the meaning a great deal, but it helps one’s understanding even more.

I am really tired, we came home about an hour early because I am just plain dead.  we have had an awesome day!  we taught a first discussion to a Hungarian man who joined the Soviet Air Force academy about 40 years ago.  On his first assignment, he escaped to Austria.

We also finalized Chia Yang’s baptismal commitment as well as praying with him about it.  When he got done praying he said that he “felt like his heart was shaking.”  It was so awesome!

I also think that I realize why I have had a hard time getting confirmation of our future plans.  It has 100% to do with the fact that when I call Kristin on the phone I lose the ability to gain that confirmation. 

(mom:  That is right, when we are not obedient we loose enabling power from the HG and we become misaligned. The answer dad wanted was also not the answer God wanted to give him.  Strong emotional feelings can also cloud the spirit.  When dad broke this mission rule he also sacrifice the power direction of the spirit in his teaching.  Dad could have done even more on his mission, he could have been enabled even more by being 100% obedient.  Learn from this and completely consecrate yourself to the work.  Check yourself and see that you are being 100% obedient.  I have recently felt that I need to fast for the full 24 hours to be 100% obedient.  I have had some amazing spiritual experiences with this.  How little did I know that eating a few hours early would deprive me of some many blessings.  I was giving up my birthright for a mess of pottage (see Jacob and Essau) Not only that, but now when I close my fast, I use that time to commune with God and receive revelation.  The last Sunday it took me over an hour to close my fast.  I realized at that point of physical sacrifice, the body is finally subdued and the spirit can take the forefront and receive far more.  I was reluctant to leave that spot and eat.  How often in the past I have quickly closed my fast and rushed to eat, never partaking of the spiritual banquet that was laid before me.  I sacrifice the spiritual feast for the temporal.  Try this in your fasting… the spiritual insights come after 24 hours.)

I know that it is going to be hard for Kristin to be loyal to me when she is living alone in Heber, but was things are never worth anything.  About all that I can do is to pray for her, which I will definitely do.

June 23, 1991

Today was definitely a mediocre type of day.  If I don’t soon get over whatever illness it is that is afflicting my body, I’m going to lose it.  I can’t figure out why I’m not getting better. In fact, I think that I am steadily getting worse.

We taught Nopparat a 4th new member discussion.  It was kind of fun.  It is so neat to be able to watch the change that occurs in someone’s life when they receive the Holy Ghost.  I would have to say that that is just about all that we accomplished today.

Church was kind of disappointing because non of our investigators showed up.  In fact, not very many of our members showed up.  However, Cheng Moua and his family were there.  The change that the Holy Ghost has brought to him and his family is just incredible.  His testimony is slowly growing.  It is so fun to watch people grow in the gospel!  It makes me very excited to teach my children the gospel.  That will really be fun.

We spent this mooring putting the brakes back together on Elder Barton’s bike.  Sometimes the things we do don’t seem much like missionary work, but we can’t do missionary work without doing them, so I guess we don’t have much choice.

June 25, 1991

Today was really a good day. In fact, it went fantastically well.  We taught 5 discussions as well as a new member discussion.  That is enough to keep anyone busy.  besides that, we had DOM this morning until 11:30.  i would definitely have to say that I am tired.  I am a little concerned about transfers tomorrow.  I really hope that President Bott doesn’t make any changes up here.

We had the chance to pick up one new families today.  One of them is so good that I can hardly believe it.  They are just awesome.  The father got out a map to have us show him exactly where the church was.  Also, after teaching them that everyone should say “Amen”  at the end of a prayer, we had a prayer.  The Father said ‘amen’ at the end of the prayer lauder than the person praying.  I am really excited to see them again.

Despite all of my faults, shortcomings and sins, the Lord is continuing to bless our work here in Stockton.  I hope that I can progress at the rate the Lord desires so that we can continue to have the success that we are having.  It doesn’t seem to matter how fast I increase in righteousness, I can never keep up with the blessings the Lord gives me.  No matter what, we will always be unprofitable servants of the Lord.  We can never catch up.  How wonderful!

June 26, 1991

Tonight we went to Shia Xeng Her’s house.  In the middle of the discussion, the head Hmong preacher walked in.  He wanted to say a prayer with Shia Xeng, so we all said a prayer together.  When we got done, his assistant tore into me about how it was against the law for me to go and visit their members.  To make a long story short, they’re ticked.  We spent the next two hours with them. It didn’t help. However, talk about the gift of tongues!  I had no problem at all in either understanding of speaking.  he told us that he would have “bodyguards” at his members houses and if we went they would beat us up.  They are also going to call the police.  non of these things worried me much, but I thought that President Bott should know.  He said that a former member of the stake presidency here in Stockton is ranking police officer.  Tomorrow, I will call him and have him pay a visit to the minister,  He will be able to explain the first amendment to him also.  That should solve the problem.

June 27, 1991

I had a very interesting talk with President Bott tonight. I am really disappointed with the way the Hmong program is going else where in the mission.  Two weeks ago 5 missionaries in Fresno managed to teach only one discussion!  President wanted to know what I thought we should do about it.  Anyway, we talked for a long time.  He said that he plans on sending Elder Lindsay up here to be with us some time in the next week.  That would definitely serve to increase the productivity up here. I t would also prevent an Elder as young as he is from learning the bad habits that he could learn down in Fresno.  President also said that he wants to hold a Hmong conference so that I can teach the hmong elders what I do.  I am really hesitant to do that for two reasons.

1. I don’t know what I do different  I just do what they taught us to do in the MTC and the Lord does the rest.  I still have a lot to learn about being a missionary.
2. I know that there would be a lot of other missionaries who would not agree with the things I said.

Anyway, if President decides to do that, I will try to do it, but I’m hoping that he doesn’t do it.

6/14/1991-6/20/1991

June 14, 1991

Moroni 10:30- We must come unto Christ whole-heartedly.  We can not truly come unto Christ if we are yet meddling in evil and unclean things.  IT is impossible to truly come unto Christ if we are viewing rated-R movies, disobeying the word of wisdom, not reading the scriptures, being immoral, or disobeying the counsel of the prophets in any other way. We must lay aside all evil in order to truly come unto Christ.

Verse 31- We must arise from the dust of nature.  We must strengthen both the church and ourselves.  we must enlarge the church and our own souls so that there is room for the gospel in both.  we must do our part to keep our covenants in order for the Lord to do His.  We can be together forever only if we obey and keep the temple covenants.

Verse 32:  By denying ourselves any evil desires or actions, having faith in christ, and loving God with all that is in us, we can become perfect in Christ.  after one has felt the great relief brought about by true repentance, that person could never again honestly deny the power of God or the love that God has for His children.

Verse 33: When we truly become perfect in Christ, we become pure and holy due to the sacrifice of Christ which was in keeping with covenant that the  Father made with Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.  How glorious it is to have a chance to become perfect despite our iniquities through the Savior.

I still feel like crud!  If I don’t soon get over this, I’m going to have to see a doctor.  Zone conference this mooring was awesome!  Elder and Sister Smith came.  Sister smith used to be the Relief Society General President.  She told us some really neat stories.  She is such an awesome woman! Her husbands talk was also really good!  The Spirit was soooo strong.  I wish that Kristin could have been here to meet that woman.

Chang moua and his family interviewed for baptism today.  i can’t wait for them to be baptized tomorrow! After we interviewed them, this born again Christian was outside telling them that they didn’t need to do anything to be saved.  I gave the guy a couple of chances to listen to what I had to say then I asked him to leave.  When he didn’t, I pointed to his car and said, “Is that your car?”  When he replied affirmatively, I said, “Go get in it and leave!”  How dare he try to side- trade the very souls that I have worked so hard to save right in front of me!  (Alma 5:60) Afterwards, I explained to them what the guy had been trying to tell them and why he was wrong.  I also told them that the day would come that they would have to stand on their own feet.

June 15, 1991

Moroni 10:34- Moroni knew that his death was imminent.  He knew that when he went to the Spirit world, he would be blessed to rest in Paradise because of him righteousness here in this life.  One rests in that paradise until his spirit and body are truanted in a perfect union.  Moroni will, as all other witnesses unto men, be brought to stand before jehovah to bear witness against all those that heeded not his words of warning.

Christ is the judge of all, both the dead and the living.  At that time all will be living as resurrected beings.  Christ’s judgment bar will indeed be pleasing to the righteous. Amen. Moroni could not have taught more lessons in one verse!  The Book of Mormon is incredible!

Christ has commanded us to search the prophecies of Isaiah, so that is what I will attempt to do.

1 Nephi 20:1- The Israelites did have the ordinances of the Aaronic Priesthood among them.  (1 Cor 10:2)  When one takes the Lord’s name upon him, all that he does must be done with honesty and integrity.  Whenever we do something in the name of the Lord, we must be worthy to do so.  We must be cautious to always do what the Lord would truly have us do.

Well, Cheng Moua and his family finally got baptized today too.  Elder Barton baptized all 7 of them.  It was the first time that Elder Barton had gotten to perform a baptismal ordinance on his mission.  Cheng Moua was so nervous that I couldn’t believe it.  His family all came into the church, but he stayed our in the car.  About ten minutes later, I went out and talked to him for a while. Then I coaxed him into coming inside.  After he was baptized, I asked him how he felt.  he said that he just felt “so happy.” The Holy Spirit can truly touch those who obey the Lord.  Another neat thing that happened was that one of Cheng’s boys, Joshua, was promised that he would be on the earth when Christ came again.  That’s a pretty powerful thing to be promised in a confirmation prayer.  it was really neat.

I am starting to ache bad enough inside that I want to call Kristin on the phone.  It’s a good thing that I don’t have her number.  I got a really neat letter from her today about some things she is learning in her religion class. I just wish she could be here!

I got a letter from my om today.  She says that everything is going well.  It was really good to bear from her.

I still fell pretty lousy.  I’m not sure what my problem is, but my head aches, my throat hurts, I have a stiff neck, and my chest is congested.  I hope I soon get over it.

June 16, 1991

1 Nephi 20:2- There are many who fit this description in this day and age.  There are so many people in the church today who say that they are members and pretend to be bv2 righteous, yet they do not rely on God.  We must always study, fast, and pray so that we can learn to truly lean on the Lord for all things.

verse 3:  From reading the cross- references in the footnotes, it is apparent that Isaiah is referring to the law of Moses when he writes “former things.”  At this point, the first person refers to the Lord.

Verse 4: The reason that the Lord gave the law of Moses to the children of Israel was because of their obstinance and stiff- necked ness.  I can’t help but wonder at times if I am not equally stiff-necked and hard- headed.

Verse 5: The Lord, at the time of Moses, showed great signs unto the children of Israel.  The reason that the Lord did so was to show them that it was He who had great power not their idols.  how many people (including myself) today have “idols?”

Verse 6:  The Lord has revealed many new and hidden things through His prophets throughout the ages.  The people in Isaiah’s time did not understand all that the Lord had revealed.  i certainly need to strive harder to learn and understand all that the Lord has revealed.  The only way that I can truly understand the prophecies is through the help of the Holy Ghost.

Today has been a pretty good day.  Cheng Moua and his family were 30 minutes later to church.  I was really scared that they had decided not to come at all.  we went to Ge Moua’s before church to invite him to come, but his wife was not at all excited about coming to church.  I’m not very sure about what to do about it.  I guess we’ll have to work on that again this week.

President Yang introduced Cheng Moua and his family in church today.  When he did, he told everyone that Cheng would be a very great leader in the church.  I thought that was a very neat thing for the Branch President to say about him.

Well, since it is Father’s Day, I think I’ll go call him.  I get one free phone call a year anyway.  Besides, I’m anxious to find out what he things of the letter that I wrote to him two weeks ago.

June 17, 1991

1 Nephi 20:7- The Lord had apparently shown unto Isreal signs that had never before been seen by the sons of men.  i would guess that He is speaking of the miraculous natural wonders shown unto the Israelites during their Exodus. He did this so that the people would have no way of rationalizing the miracles away.

——-verse 8: even after all that the Lord had shown unto the Israelites, there were still many of them that refused to obey the commandments. (ie the golden calf)  How many of us do that today?  We receive answers to our prayers and then go ahead and do what we want to do anyway.  how many times have I ‘trecherously’ dealt with the Lord?  How often do WE do that?

Verse 9:  For the sake of the promises made to us, and for our salvation, the Lord will be merciful with us today (Moses 1:39).  The only way that we could ever star a chance of returning to live with our Father in Heaven is through His mercy unto us.

Verse 10:  “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” The Lord allows us to be afflicted physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Without affliction coming up in the next year, it will make us stronger, but we must fight to keep it from killing us.

June 18, 1991

1 Nephi 20:11- It is because of the covenants that the Lord made with our forefathers that He does not cut them off.  The Lord will not break those covenants, for if He does, He will cease to be God.  This comes far from meaning that we are justified in doing wrong.  It is only an explanation of why we have the opportunity to repent.  The Lord will never go against His word. (Alma 11;34)

vs 12; Israel is the people which the Lord has called to serve Him and be exalted.  To be part of Israel, one must simply be baptized.  Christ was the Firstborn of the Father.  Christ was the last sacrifice (Alma 34:10-15)  These are just examples of the many ways that christ is the first and the last.

vs 13:  Christ is the creator of the earth.  The heavens and earth will obey Christ’s voice eternally.  I’m not sure what the Lord means when He says His “right hand hath spanned the heavens.”  If the righteous will inherit a place are the right hand of Christ, and His right hand spans the Heavens, then the righteous will inherit a part of the Heavens.  I think that it also means that He controls the Heavens.

vs 14:  The Lord loves His prophets and shall fulfill the words declared by them.  The exact interpretation of the words Babylon and Chaldeans here is insignificant. The point is still the same.  The Lord will punish harshly all those who believed not or fought against the word of the prophet.  The Lord will fulfill the words of the prophets.  It would be wise for us to know and heed those words.

I realized today why me and my comp are always having trouble getting along with the Lao Elders.  During District meeting, we are always supposed to stand up and report our statistics for the week.  i realized then that we have been teaching more than double the munger of discussions they have, baptizing way more than they have, and all around finding more success.  I don’t think that they consciously resent that, but it must have some affect.  Any way, me and my comp have decided that we will not talk about how many discussions we have taught with ten anymore.  I think that maybe that will help everyone in the apartment get alone a little better.  

Nonetheless, today was a really good day.  i am starting to feel a little better too.  We were able to teach 4 discussions, one new member discussion, and teach some of the women in our branch about how to make bread.  I can’t say that our bread turned out very well, but it was a lot of fun to teach them.  Besides, they didn't know that it wasn’t very good.

OH year, I found out yesterday that I am short one hour of transferrable credit from transferring to San Diego.  Oh well, so much for that idea.  I guess it’s back to BYU for me.  Wishes and dreams don’t always come true.  That is certainly one thing that the last six months have taught me.

June 19, 1991

1 Nephi 20:15- The Lord calls His prophets.  The Lord spoke to Isaiah as He did to other prophets.  i am not sure which prophet this vera refers to with the third person reference.  It could very well refer to Joseph Smith (see Isa 45:1) It could also refer to many other prophets who made the paths of the Lord prosperous.

vs 16:  The Lord’s prophets do not speak in secret and in darkness.  Behold, they declare the teaching of the Lord unto the very ends of the earth.  The prophet Isaiah is inviting all to come and learn the will of the Lord which was declared unto him.  The prophet Isaiah was sent by the Lord and led by the Holy Spirit.

vs 17:  The Lord will always back up those whom He sends.  Not only will He back them up at judgement day, but He will send the Holy Ghost to witness the truthfulness of words spoken or written to the souls of those who are truly seeking the truth.  The Lord teaches us to profit and progress.  The Lord’s ways will always help us, so long as we keep the Lord’s sayings.

vs 18: Only when we hearken to the Spirit can we have ever moving and constant peace as well as righteousness as powerful as the waves of the ocean.  When we keep not the commandments of the Lord or the promptings of the Sprit ,w e can not have peace or strength.  The Lord desires these things for us, but we can not have them without obedience to the commandments and promptings given to us.

Today has been both an encouraging and discouraging day.  Ze Mona is progressing really well and seems to be excited about being baptized. Chia Yang is doing really well, but his uncle says that he wants to keep going to the CMA church so that no one gets mad at him.  that makes things  a little bit tougher for Chia, but I hope that he will come through and do the things that he is supposed to do.

We also went and taught Shia Seng Her (Txhiab Xee;s Hawj) He is the guy that had kidney failure about tow weeks ago.  Anyway, we taught hi a first discussion and then we went to the doctor to translate for him.. The doctor was a cardiovascular surgeon who had put an implant in his arm to make dialysis easier.  Anyway, I started to  want to be a surgeon again.  i don’t know what I will end up doing for a living but I am very grateful that I don’t have to decide right now.

The Lord is definitely testing my faith concerning my future plans.  I suppose that He is trying to tell me not to worry about it now and that He will take care of it.  I guess that I’ll just have to be patient for a while and see what happens.  I have had kind of a hard tie today with accepting some of the things that have happened.  I am praying for help, and I know that if will all work out.

June 20, 1991

1 Nephi 20:19- The seed of Abraham can not be cut off from before the Lord because of the covenant made by Abraham with the Lord.  This is the reason that all of us have had our days of probation extended. Were it not for this promise, I am sure that I would have been cut off from the presence of the Lord long ago.  The lord has been far more merciful with me that I ever deserve or will realize.

vs 20- We as Israelites are commanded to go froth from the world, flee from those who do unrighteousness, and to declare to all the ends of the earth that the Lord has redeemed His people.  One can always identify His people by their willingness to do and keep the commandments and ordinances of the Lord.

vs 21:  The Isrealites thirsted not during their wanderings in the wilderness.  The Lord provided for their physical needs.  In the same way, during our sojourn on the earth, the Lord will not allow us to thrust spiritually.  It is only through one’s disobedience to the commandments or failure to heed the promptings of the Spriit that one is caused to thrust spiritually.  Fortunately, that thirst can again be quenched by the process of repentance.

vs 22:  The Lord had done many great things.  Despite that the wicked can not have the Spirit.  The only way that one can have peace is through the companionship of the Holy Ghost.  The wicked are unworthy of that companionship, and thus have not peace.

——I am sicker today than I have been in a really long time, so we took the afternoon off.  I am going to go to bed early so that I can get some rest.  I have an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow morning at 7:45.

Kristin and I had a long talk today.  I really love her.  There were a lot of things that happened in March, april, and May that were really hard for me to deal with.  It’s all over now, and I have forgiven Kristin.  The next 10 months are going to hold a lot of tests for us.  i would imagine that when she is in Heber there will be times when she feels very alone.  If she can only remember how much I loves her, she’ll make it through just fine.  No matter what happens, if we can just keep an Eternal perspective, we’ll make it through the next ten months just fine.  If we don’t, there is no saying how things will work out.  We have to do it.  We will do it.  We can do anything for 10 months.

I’m going to bed.