April 18, 1991
I had a long talk with Pres. Bott today. It was really helpful. I talk to him about both the tai chi dying and about Kristen.
As far as the blessing that we gave tai chi goes he made me understand a lot about why I had blessed him that way. I had simply misinterpreted the presence of the Spirit as an indication that he would live. The other thing that he told me about was that he talked with me about D & C 42:44. He explained to me that my blessing was honored by the Lord for as long as was possible. That is the reason that tai chi did not die immediately when the doctors unhooked the machines. He also told me that he did the exact same thing on his mission twice. At least I'm in good company. Hopefully the lesson that the Lord intended for me has been learned and I won't make that mistake again. Anyway, I now feel better about that.
As far as things with Kristen go, he wasn't able to offer much comfort. I have, however, learned a lot from the instruction of the spirit since I wrote in my journal last night. I realize now that most of the things I wrote yesterday were wrong. I know that the Lord's will will be done, but like Pres. Bott said, that doesn't always make it any easier.
April 19, 1991
I will have to admit that this week has been the very longest week of my whole entire life. However, today has been awesome. We taught five discussions today alone. I am so happy! We committed Chong's whole family to baptism today for 4 May. Sure hope that they will come through.
April 20, 1991
Today has been one of those busy yet not very productive day this morning we helped Guy Ming Lee and his family moved from the house to a little apartment. He has been spending all of his money to support his kids and their families, so he had to move to a smaller apartment. He is the first counselor in the branch presidency.
Tonight we went to stake conference here in Visalia it was really a good one. However, it wasn't the fact that the talks were exceptionally good that made it so good. It was the fact that it gave me a rare chance to sit and reflect on all of the events in my life that have been guided by the Lord. I don't think that anyone around me to figure out why in the world I was crying through the whole conference. The spirit was just so strong. I realize now how far I have really come in the last year. I also realize that another here won't be enough. It will take me all eternity to truly perfect myself.
Mee Xiong called us today from Visalia. She was in tears. She said that she misses us because there was no one to take care of her anymore. She is such a good lady! I hope that she can hang in there. I know that the Lord is blessing her for her faithfulness. I'm so excited to go back to Visalia on Wednesday, not only to see Mee and Jar, but also to try to get things going down there again. It will really be interesting.
April 21, 1991
Well, my companion and I fasted together today for the missionary work here in Fresno. We also went to stake conference together here in Fresno. The conference was good, but not happen as good as the one in Hanford last week. We spent the rest of our day in prayer and study.
This evening while I was asking my Father in Heaven to forgive me for not heating the Council of the Spirit this week, particularly in blessing Tai Chi in my decision to call Kristen on the telephone, I was blessed with a vision like no other that I have ever beheld. During the course of my pleading, I caught a short glimpse of my Savior kneeling in prayer, and pleading his father to grant him the means to redeem me from my sins. I saw Jesus Christ feeling in the garden of Gethsemane just before he atoned for my sins as well as the sense of the entire world. I heard his voice pleading with his father. I felt the intense, complete, and divine love which my Savior has for me. Although that vision was very short, I now have a far deeper understanding of the atonement than ever before.
I have some very far to go. I have to very many weaknesses. I hope and pray that I will be able to overcome them. I don't know for sure what the future holds for me, but I know the Savior will be pleading for me.
MOM: Dad never told me about this vision; however, he studied a lot about ‘calling and election’ being made sure. I think he wondered if this qualified for that. I want to remind you of President Packer’s testimony this last conference (April 2014) Where he alluded to see the Savior when he was serving in the military (about this age) I used to think that very few people have this experience, but I think that more than we realize do… I think this is something that you may have happen to you in your lifetime, but I think it often happens after an extended period of devoted solitary study and fasting.
April 23, 1991
Well, after having little to no p-day yesterday, today was an awesome day. We talked for over five discussions had committed three families to be baptized on the fourth of next month! I really hope and pray that they will all come through okay. I am really looking forward to the next month here in Fresno. I am really excited to see somebody's people get baptized. The Lord is truly blessed our efforts here in Fresno.
Tomorrow I will be heading down to Visalia with Elder Lindsey. He is an elder who got out of the MTC the beginning of this month. It will be about a five day trip. We will be trying to get things going again down there now that the old leader of the Thao clan is dead. He died two days before we were transferred up here. Anyway, we will try to get something going down there. I am really excited to see Elder Sorenson an Elder Mannewitz as well as Mee and Jar Xiong. I really hope that we can truly get things going. I guess we will just have to wait and see what the Lord has in mind.
I didn't get anything in the mail today. I really wish that I knew what Kristen was thinking and feeling right now.
This mission is worth it. No matter what happens this mission is the most important thing that I could possibly do right now.
April 24, 1991
Well, Elder Lindsey and I are now back in Visalia. It really seems weird to be here. There is such a huge difference between this town in Fresno. To be completely honest, I cannot truly say that I'm glad to be back, although there is a lot of work to be done here which I am excited to be able to do.
We went and saw Mee and Jar today. It was so good to see them. They are really doing well, and I can see the happiness that membership in the church has brought to them. Jars health seems to be some better than the last time I saw him. He is really a neat man.
Tonight, we went and talked to the mutual about hmong people and customs. I kind of caught a glimpse of what is going to be like to be home for my mission and tell old stories about my mission. I'm not so scared for that day anymore. I realize that my love for the hmong people will never die. I also realized that I love them tremendously. I was surprised at how difficult it was to hold back the tears when I was talking about their plight. I love them with all of my heart.
MOM: This confirms to me that Dad is still working with them on the other side.
The ache inside is worse today than it has ever been. I'm not too sure as to why. I miss Kristen a lot. I wonder what she is doing? I wonder how she's feeling? I miss her.
April 25, 1991
Well, today was kind of a depressing day. There is just no other way to put it. We went to see Xao Thao. He is the new clan leader. We had a really good talk today and we ask him to come back to church. He said that he knew that was the right thing to do, but that he was afraid it would upset his brothers. I'm not so sure that is a valid reason, because he is the one that is in charge. I'm not sure what our next move is going to be. I think that I will probably go and talk to his brothers tomorrow. It really hurts to really love someone and have them decide to not do what heavenly father wants them to do. I wonder how it will feel as a father for our children to not do the things that they are supposed to do. It must be 1 million times harder for heavenly father.
Tonight we went to the hospital to see an old lady in the hospital. Me and Jar were both there too. We gave the lady a blessing yesterday, and another today. She seems to be doing quite a bit better. After we gave her a blessing, Mee said a prayer with everyone. It is amazing to see how they turn to Mee and Jar for spiritual guidance in this time of need when they all go to another church anyway. I guess that just goes to show that other people can feel the spirit that we carry when we live as worthy Latter Day Saints.
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