June 21, 1991
I went to the doctor this morning, who gave me some antibiotics and said that I should be better in a week. I sure hope so because by the time we got home tonight I was nearly dead. i don’t know exactly what I caught, but it sure got me good.
Despite the way I felt, we had a pretty good day today. We taught 5 discussions, so I guess that I deserve to be tired today. The one disappointment that we had today was that Ze mona said that he has to wait until his mother gets home next month before he and his wife can get baptized. Now I’m hoping that we will be able to teach and baptize his mother too. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
I have done a lot of thinking today. I have come to the conclusion that Kristin and I will be tried a lot in the next ten months. The result of those ten months, what happens , and how we deal with loneliness and being alone will truly show how much it is worth to us. I wish that I could get a confirmation of the fact that Kristin will wait for me and all will be as planned, but right now all that I get is a “wait and see.” The Lord is just testing my faith I am sure. I could never forget the answers of the past, I just wish that I Could get a reconfirmation now. I am tired and so I am going to bed.
(Mom: I relate a lot to what dad is feeling here and I want to offer my perspective and your dad’s perspective on this years down the road. Dad always felt good and right about dating Kristin. He extrapolated beyond that answer that she was the girl he was to marry. Kristin was intended to be in his life during this period to teach him and her important lessons. They impacted each other and your dad was a different father, and husband because of things that he learned; however, this was always intended to be a temporary helping. This was one of those ‘wrong roads’ that Elder Holland spoke about. Dad could not get confirmation because the thing that he desperately wanted was not right. God did not tell him this, because the lesson to be learned was not finished and He knew that in time, this answer would be apparent to Dad. Later, it did become clear. If an answer does not come right away it is important to remember that God sometimes says ‘wait.’ If Dad would have know, he would not have put energy into helping Kristin, energy that I believe was not wasted, but that later influenced her to change things in her life. Dad also needed to learn to trust God’s plan instead of his own. God had something better in mind for dad than Kristin, but Scott did understand or know what that could be. He could only see Kristin at that time. But while all of this was happening, God was preparing me through my relationship with Josh to be ready when you Dad got home. We were both prepared by people we love who were not intended to be our eternal companions. I was praying that same prayer about Josh and I was getting that same answer., “wait and see.” When the time was right, we both knew. We knew… 100% knew. Never in my life have I heard a voice from heaven, but that night, when I prayed about Dad I did. Your dad undeniably knew too. Our eyes were opened and we saw how all of our lives had prepared us to come together. Neither of us could ever deny that. Lesson to be learned? Do what is right, do God’s work and He will bless you more that you can fathom. His blessings will be greater than you can comprehend. Let Him figure it out. Work on being in tune to the spirit and being 100% faithful, diligent and obedient and you will be overly compensated for all losses. That is even true now. Dad and I are apart for awhile, but I have seen a portion of what this is supposed to accomplish. The fruit is worth the effort in cultivating. What we give up and sacrifice now will be paid back 100 fold… filled up and overflowing. I know this. I have seen it, and I will not ever deny it. This is worth it and so it every trial and struggle you will come to face. You knew that before you were born. You saw the effects of these things and we were honored to accept the foreordinations and responsibilities that were given us. Our family has a special role to play in the upcoming closing days of this dispensations. God needs a pure people before the Savior can return. We are to be part of that people and we are to help others follow that path. Our role is that of mentoring and leadership. It is what we were born to do, it is our central purpose, it is the reason that Dad is on the other side. We needed to placed on a tract where the things of eternity would more heavily weigh on our minds. We needed to have incentives to search deeper and we needed the aid of a close family member on the other side to show us how to receive personal revelation easier so we could move forward on the covenant path…to gain the knowledge and blessings promised us in the temple in THIS LIFE. That is what we need to do to become a pure people ready to receive the Savior.)
June 22, 1991
1 Nephi 21: 1-10
Isaiah often speaks for Christ in the 1st person. When he does this, the tens Lord and God refer to God the Father. This changes the meaning a great deal, but it helps one’s understanding even more.
I am really tired, we came home about an hour early because I am just plain dead. we have had an awesome day! we taught a first discussion to a Hungarian man who joined the Soviet Air Force academy about 40 years ago. On his first assignment, he escaped to Austria.
We also finalized Chia Yang’s baptismal commitment as well as praying with him about it. When he got done praying he said that he “felt like his heart was shaking.” It was so awesome!
I also think that I realize why I have had a hard time getting confirmation of our future plans. It has 100% to do with the fact that when I call Kristin on the phone I lose the ability to gain that confirmation.
(mom: That is right, when we are not obedient we loose enabling power from the HG and we become misaligned. The answer dad wanted was also not the answer God wanted to give him. Strong emotional feelings can also cloud the spirit. When dad broke this mission rule he also sacrifice the power direction of the spirit in his teaching. Dad could have done even more on his mission, he could have been enabled even more by being 100% obedient. Learn from this and completely consecrate yourself to the work. Check yourself and see that you are being 100% obedient. I have recently felt that I need to fast for the full 24 hours to be 100% obedient. I have had some amazing spiritual experiences with this. How little did I know that eating a few hours early would deprive me of some many blessings. I was giving up my birthright for a mess of pottage (see Jacob and Essau) Not only that, but now when I close my fast, I use that time to commune with God and receive revelation. The last Sunday it took me over an hour to close my fast. I realized at that point of physical sacrifice, the body is finally subdued and the spirit can take the forefront and receive far more. I was reluctant to leave that spot and eat. How often in the past I have quickly closed my fast and rushed to eat, never partaking of the spiritual banquet that was laid before me. I sacrifice the spiritual feast for the temporal. Try this in your fasting… the spiritual insights come after 24 hours.)
I know that it is going to be hard for Kristin to be loyal to me when she is living alone in Heber, but was things are never worth anything. About all that I can do is to pray for her, which I will definitely do.
June 23, 1991
Today was definitely a mediocre type of day. If I don’t soon get over whatever illness it is that is afflicting my body, I’m going to lose it. I can’t figure out why I’m not getting better. In fact, I think that I am steadily getting worse.
We taught Nopparat a 4th new member discussion. It was kind of fun. It is so neat to be able to watch the change that occurs in someone’s life when they receive the Holy Ghost. I would have to say that that is just about all that we accomplished today.
Church was kind of disappointing because non of our investigators showed up. In fact, not very many of our members showed up. However, Cheng Moua and his family were there. The change that the Holy Ghost has brought to him and his family is just incredible. His testimony is slowly growing. It is so fun to watch people grow in the gospel! It makes me very excited to teach my children the gospel. That will really be fun.
We spent this mooring putting the brakes back together on Elder Barton’s bike. Sometimes the things we do don’t seem much like missionary work, but we can’t do missionary work without doing them, so I guess we don’t have much choice.
June 25, 1991
Today was really a good day. In fact, it went fantastically well. We taught 5 discussions as well as a new member discussion. That is enough to keep anyone busy. besides that, we had DOM this morning until 11:30. i would definitely have to say that I am tired. I am a little concerned about transfers tomorrow. I really hope that President Bott doesn’t make any changes up here.
We had the chance to pick up one new families today. One of them is so good that I can hardly believe it. They are just awesome. The father got out a map to have us show him exactly where the church was. Also, after teaching them that everyone should say “Amen” at the end of a prayer, we had a prayer. The Father said ‘amen’ at the end of the prayer lauder than the person praying. I am really excited to see them again.
Despite all of my faults, shortcomings and sins, the Lord is continuing to bless our work here in Stockton. I hope that I can progress at the rate the Lord desires so that we can continue to have the success that we are having. It doesn’t seem to matter how fast I increase in righteousness, I can never keep up with the blessings the Lord gives me. No matter what, we will always be unprofitable servants of the Lord. We can never catch up. How wonderful!
June 26, 1991
Tonight we went to Shia Xeng Her’s house. In the middle of the discussion, the head Hmong preacher walked in. He wanted to say a prayer with Shia Xeng, so we all said a prayer together. When we got done, his assistant tore into me about how it was against the law for me to go and visit their members. To make a long story short, they’re ticked. We spent the next two hours with them. It didn’t help. However, talk about the gift of tongues! I had no problem at all in either understanding of speaking. he told us that he would have “bodyguards” at his members houses and if we went they would beat us up. They are also going to call the police. non of these things worried me much, but I thought that President Bott should know. He said that a former member of the stake presidency here in Stockton is ranking police officer. Tomorrow, I will call him and have him pay a visit to the minister, He will be able to explain the first amendment to him also. That should solve the problem.
June 27, 1991
I had a very interesting talk with President Bott tonight. I am really disappointed with the way the Hmong program is going else where in the mission. Two weeks ago 5 missionaries in Fresno managed to teach only one discussion! President wanted to know what I thought we should do about it. Anyway, we talked for a long time. He said that he plans on sending Elder Lindsay up here to be with us some time in the next week. That would definitely serve to increase the productivity up here. I t would also prevent an Elder as young as he is from learning the bad habits that he could learn down in Fresno. President also said that he wants to hold a Hmong conference so that I can teach the hmong elders what I do. I am really hesitant to do that for two reasons.
- I don’t know what I do different I just do what they taught us to do in the MTC and the Lord does the rest. I still have a lot to learn about being a missionary.
- I know that there would be a lot of other missionaries who would not agree with the things I said.
Anyway, if President decides to do that, I will try to do it, but I’m hoping that he doesn’t do it.
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