Oct 16, 1991
well, it had been quite a while since I wrote anything here. I talked to my mission president a few days ago about Kristin. Her bishop from BYU had already called my mission president. Disciplinary councils are being held right now in Provo for both Darin and Scott based on their relationship with Kristin. She had put her eternal salvation and exaltation in serious jeopardy. I can not believe how much I actually trusted her. I can’t believe all of the lies she has told me. I wonder how many of the the things she has ever told me are even true. I honestly hope that she can get her life back in order, but I also realize that it may be years before that can ever be done. She had the free agency to destroy our relationship, and she did it. I wonder how I will ever know who “the right girl” is? I felt so strongly about her, but it just simply wasn’t to be. I know beyond a doubt that things between us would have been wonderful if she had been faithful to the Lord and to me. She threw it all way for the sake of sexual stimulation. I cannot believe it. i hope that someday she can realize what she has done, not only what she has done to me, but also what she had sone to herself.
Eternal salvation traded for a chap and temporary thrill- what a terrible waste! How stupid!!
Oct 17, 1991
Today was a pretty good day. I spent all day with Elder Watson tracting our Cambodian complexes. i am so grateful to be working with Hmong people. We traced all day long and yet we only got in at one house. If that happened in the Hmong program, I think I would start to hate getting up in the morning.
I had Elder Watson and Davies give me a blessing last night to try and help me out with this situation with Kristin. i feel quite a bit better now. Priesthood blessings always seem to help. I can’t say that I have gotten over the whole thing yet, but I’m getting there. i can not believe the pain that this whole thing has caused me. I cannot believe that anything could hurt that badly. I am still praying that Kristin will get things straightened out in her own life. I just keep things that I will soon wake up and this will all just be a terrible night-mare.
The Hmong program here had really been picking up a lot lately. There are so many people that we are trying to teach that we can not hardly seem to keep up with all of them.
I’m still struggling with Kristin’s situation, but I’m getting there. i constantly strive to remember that the Lord knows what is best for me, I have to trust in him.
Oct 18, 1991
Kristin mailed me a big box of stuff today. She sent me a lot of my things. I went through all of the stuff that she went and soared all of it out. I can’t believe what has happened to us! We were so close, so in love, such good friends. What happened? How could the whole thing just fall apart like it did? Going through all of those things made me realize what it was like to be in love. It was absolutely wonderful! I wonder if that can ever happen to me like that again. I realized something while I was going through all of that stuff- It doesn’t have to be over. I don’t have to decide tight now whether or not things between me and Kristin will work. It was so wonderful once. i wonder if it could be like that again? Of course, she has a lot to change before it could be that way again. She has a lot of repenting to do. i really don’t know if she’ll ever do it or not. I don’t know whether things between us could ever work out or not. i do know that I am not going to make that decision now. I will make that decision when I get home.
We picked up a really good family tonight! I love teaching the gospel. I would not trade anything for this experience, not even Kristin. I wish she had not done the things she has done, but I’m glad it happened now instead of after we were married. i still love her and I still miss her.
Oct 19, 1991
Wow! Teaching the gospel is the greatest!! Today was really a great day. We were able to teach three discussions today, so that was nice. i have really grown to love my job as a missionary lately. No matter how bad I have felt about my situation with Kristin, teaching always makes me fell better.
Oct 20-Oct 26 1991
Dear President Bott,
I want to tell you about something that happened to me the morning that I left Stockton. I got a phone call from Kia Her, the mother of one of the families that we baptized recently in Stockton. She told me that she had been praying for three years that the Lord would send someone to Stockton that could get through to her husband so that their family could be baptized. She then told me how grateful she was that the Lord had sent me to baptized them. All of the sacrifices fade in comparison to the joy that it brings to hear someone say that. It was a very humbling experience.
I am very excited about Merced. Elder Baker had really got some good things going. I hope that we can capitalize on some of those things and get some long overdue baptisms here in Merced. Thanks for everything.
Oct 20, 1991
Dad & Todd have both called me this morning. They (Todd) found out about Scott Jorgenson being disfellowshipped over his relationship with Kristin. They were both really concerned about me & if I knew or how I was taking it if I knew. It is really nice to know that my family cares. I was kind of afraid about how I would look to my family once this whole mess came out. I was certainly comforted by the response of my family. Todd reiterated several times that it was not a reflection on me. I am sure glad that I found out what kind of a person Kristin really is before I married her. Without me ever serving another mission, Kristin will never have another period of probation to prove herself again. She should have married Darin or Scott when she had the chance. I will definitely be far more careful concerning the choices I make about the girls I date in the future. I have got to learn to listen to the Spirit better. That is going to take some practice.
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