11/21-11/28/1991

November 22, 1991

Yesterday was hectic, that is simply all that there is to it.  It wouldn’t be so bad if Elders would all make their bus at the right time, but Elders miss buses, buses don’t run , and zone leaders plans to provide rides for Elders get frustrated.

Today was leaders’ meeting in Fresno.  Leaders’ meeting was fun because I got to see a lot of old friends.  Elder Clarke, Sorenson, Davis, Watson, Russon,and Brown were all there.  President gave us a lot of information that should be quite helpful.  Going to leaders’ meeting made me very grateful to be in the Asian program.  All of the Asian Elders are really close.  I wish that the whole mission could be like that.  Elder Conrad and I decided that there are a lot of things that our zone has to do better.  we really need to all get on the ball.  Hopefully we can get to motivating some of the people in our zone so that it can catch fire.

I got a letter from Mom today.  All seems to be well at home.  She sent me 3 tapes of Christmas music, so I guess it is now time to start celebrating my last Christmas in the mission field.

We went on team-ups right after leaders’ meeting. i went with one of the youth in the branch and we taught 3 discussions tonight.  This has made for a very busy day.  i think I’ll go to sleep.

Nov 23, 1991

Today was kind of a lousy day.  We couldn’t catch anyone at home.  I think that every single Hmong person in this whole city went to a party today.  It’s getting close to New Year’s Day, so everyone  is either having parties or else they are preparing for parties.  Anyway, the whole thing has proved quite discouraging.  The other thing is that after having transfer days and leaders meeting, I hadn’t had the chance to schedule any appointments for today.

The Span-ams had a baptism today, so I went and unlocked the building, filled the font and locked things up after the baptism.  It was encouraging to see a baptism, especially after a day like yesterday.

I got a letter from dad today.  He seems to be doing well.  he said that if I wanted to go into business with him when I get home, that he would be more than happy to have me do that.  I’m not really sure what I’ll do anymore.  There are certainly a lot of doctors who get divorced.  i don’t know if being a doctor is worth the strain that it would put on my family life.  I will give it some definite thought when I get home.  I guess I’ll just have to wait until my mission is over, study it out and then find our what the Lord would have me to do.

Nov 24, 1991

Today is certainly the first day that I have hated being a zone leader.  One of the Elders in my apartment get a phone call from a girl in Visalia.  It is a girl that he has had some problems with as far as keeping a proper missionary relationship with her.  Anyway, I had to got and call President Bott and then confronted the Elder with the problem and had him call President Bott.  I wish that I didn’t have to do things like that.  I mean, it is the kind of thing that had to be done, but I wish it wasn’t me.  This Elder has had a lot of problems with his attitude and stuff, but hopefully we can get stuff straightened our.  he is on the phone with President right now.  We’ll just have to see how it goes.

Today at church was fairly discouraging.  One of the members of our branch got married today so many of our members were at the wedding feast instead of church.  We did, however, have 6 Hmong investigators and 5 Lao investigators come to church.  CBI Lis’s family didn’t come through, so that was kind of a disappointment.

Nov 25, 1991

We didn’t get a P-day today because of Thanksgiving coming up.  As a result, we spent the day working.  I got a letter from Mom today.  She seems to be doing well.  She ha written to tell me that she sent in my scholarship application and that she had signed me up to got to St. John’s with Mr Jacobson next summer.  I can’t wait to go scuba diving again!  That is going to be the best!

We had a zone meeting tonight to talk about all of the things that President Bott told us at leaders meeting.  I think that it went very well. After that, we had a District Leaders’ meeting.  That also seemed to go fairly well.  We are trying to come up with some good ways to get things going in this zone.  We need to somehow jump-start the system.  we are going to start, as a zone, having prayer at 6:15 am for the zone.  Hopefully the Lord will help us to get things going.

President Bott came up this morning to talk to the Elder that was having the problem last night.  After talking with President on the phone last night, the Elder talked to me for a while.  It turns out that the reason he is having problems is that he is not sure that all of his sins of youth he has repented of.  He used to be in a gang, etc…. Anyway, I called President Bott again and this morning to have him come and talk with the Elder. An Elder that isn’t worthy cannot succeed.

Nov 27, 1991

Today Good Day. 2 Discus.  I’m hungry.  Good discus…..

We went to see Tseem Lis and it went well.  My comp is really sic still, so we didn’t get all that much done.

Nov 30, 1991

Well, after 2 P-days in a row it was certainly good to get back to work.  However, being that it was Saturday, it was pretty tough to get things going.  This weekend had been Hmong New Year up in Sacramento.  Because so many people went up there for that, it was an especially hard day to catch anyone at home.

Thanksgiving was kind of a let down.  We had an appointment with an American family for dinner, but cooking was definitely not that matriarch’s strong point.  Anyway, I’ll sure be glad to get home to Mom’s home cooking.

11/13-11/20/1991

Nov 13, 1991

Well, this has been quite a week.  On Friday, I got Kristin’s wedding announcement on Friday.  She is getting married to an 18 year old kid who is not even done with hight school yet.  She called me on Sunday and wanted to come up here to see me.  I told her NO WAY!  She is an absolute basket case.  She had been immoral in the most extreme way possible with Brian.  They have both been disfellowshipped and their bishop had counseled them to get married.  She has quit her job and moved back to Mesa, but her parents won’t let her move in with them.  It is a mess.  She has traded marrying mer in the temple for marrying some kid that will probably never amount to anything.  Anyway, the whole thing has caused me to have to spend all of my effort in keeping my mind on the work.

The missionary work here is going really well.  I have been doing a lot of teaching and so has Elder Jeppson.  I hope that we can get things going well enough to get some baptisms soon.

Nov 14, 1991

Today has been one of the very best days of my whole mission.  The Spirit has been really strong.  My companion has not felt good today and has completely lost his voice.  As a result, we teamed up with the Span-ams today so that Elder Jeppson could ride in their car so that he wouldn’t have to ride a bike in the cold.  The wind blew really hard today.

We have found two or three families lately that are really doing well.  Elder Russon and I had a chance to teach two of them today.  The Spirit has really been strong today.  I have made some very deep spiritual changes in the last few days that will change my life.  The events of the last mouth have caused me to take a close look at myself and my own spiritual condition.  I have made some pretty big changes, or maybe I should say that the Lord has made some changes in me.  It is amazing to me how the Lord constantly knows what changes I need to make; furthermore, I am amazed at the care which He take to be sure that I am faced with the challenges that will bring about those changes in the most effective way.  I am grateful that the Lord loves me enough to present me with the challenges that I need to help me to become more like Him.  It’s truly been a great day.

Nov 15, 1991

Well, today went pretty well.  my companion got his voice back, so we went to Lao families and houses all day.  When 1/2 of a zebra companionship gets sick, it can really throw off the work for a while.  I guess that it all evens our, but today was one of the more boring days of my mission.  I got a chance to study quite a bit and stuff, but I really miss seeing Hmong people.

I have become acutely aware today of the ease with which I lose the Spirit, or at least lost the intensity which I love to feel.  it is so easy to lose the Spirit.  However, it is so worth it to feel an intense outpouring of the Spirit.  The Lord has been giving me a crash course on how I effect my own sensitivity to the Spirit.  I hope that I can soon learn.  I am getting so that I really enjoy the lessons that the Lord is teaching me.  Instead of dreading the challenges that I am presented with, I am now trying to learn from my challenges as soon as I can.  It sure makes life more fun that way.

Nov 19, 1991

Well, President Bott came up today for interviews.  It was sure good to talk to him.  He asked me to be a zone leader.  I was quite surprised.  He said that he would have done it a couple of months ago, but with the problems that the Bishop in Provo told him that Kristin had had, he figured that he should wait.  Anyway, I am quite excited and I’m looking forward to it.  I’m not too sure how being a zone leader will fit in time wise with the situation that we have here with our zebra companionship.  I am very certain that the Lrod will prepare the way for me to do all that He asks of me.

Elder Jeppson is still quite sick.  As a result, our missionary work has been quite limited for the past couple of days.  I hope that he will soon get over it.  He really wants to work, but he just can’t.  He has had really bad congestion, headache, dizziness and laryngitis.  All of that makes riding around on a bike in the cold a not very smart thing to do.

The work here is going forth.  I wish that I could be better organized.  There are so many families that want to learn.  I hope that we can soon get some of them to commit to be baptized soon.  transfers are tomorrow.  Elder Jeppson has a pretty good chance of getting transferred.

Nov 20, 1991

Today has been kind of a hectic day.  My comp didn’t get transferred, so that is good.  I have done quite a bit of paperwork for some of the referrals that we get in the zone.  That is really not very fun, but referrals  are really important for the English Elders.  We had a stake missionary presidency getting tonight.  it seemed to go fairly well.  I had never realized how many Stake missionaries this stake has.  i wish they would transfer just a few of them over to the Hmong Branch.  Anyway, my first day as Zone Leader seems to have gone fairly well.  Elder Conrad is the other Zone Leader, but he lives down in the Los Banos.  That means that much of the stuff that zone leaders usually do has to be done by me alone.

We challenged Kia Xai Chang (Nkag Nchai Tsaab) for baptism on the 7th of December.  He seemed to be ready to do that, although it wasn’t as firm a commitment as I was looking for.  One thing is for sure.  I need to do a lot more challenging for specific dates.  I have kind of slacked off on that and I need to get at it again.

Elder Jeppson seems to be feeling some better today, but he still has a sore throat.  My ears have been kind of plugged up today.  I hope that I’m not catching the same thing that he has.  Quite a few of our investigators have been sick lately, too.  There must be at least one bad virus going around.

11/1-11/8/1991

Nov 1, 1991

Today was an awesome day!  We taught 6 discussions, 4 of which were to Hmong families.  I love days like that!  Days that we got to teach a lot are the best.  We were so busy that we didn’t even have time for lunch.  I don’t think that my comp.  appreciated that very much, but he didn’t seem to mind very much either.

This morning, I prayerfully set a goal to have someone ready to be baptized on the 23rd of this month.   As a result, I will be challenging everyone I teach to be baptized on that day.  I hope and pray that someone will take that invitation.  I felt really good about that date when I prayed about it, so I’ll just have to wait and see how it goes.  I hope that we can get someone baptized.

Today we taught one of out discussions to Lou Lee and her member husband Khou Lee.  I feel really good about the way things went.  Khon was taught the gospel only in english before his baptism, so he know no more than his nonmember wife.  We had to resolve a whole lot of concerns about life and death and the after life.  I was surprised at how many misconceptions he had that seem to stem from Buddhism.  I’m not sure, but I would guess he has studied buddhism quite a bit.  

Nov 2, 1991

Today was definitely not as fast-paced as yesterday.  We only managed to get 3 discussions but they all went pretty well.  i went to see Tsab Vaj tonight.  I’m afraid that were not making much progress with him.  He continues to say that all churches are good and we all worship one God anyway.  I just wish that I could make him see that since there is only one God, that God would only create one church; therefore, there is only one completely true church on the face of the entire earth.  i guess I’ll just keep praying for him and we’ll see how it goes.  Satan is so powerful.  He deceives people to the point that they have no desire to find the light.  As soon as someone stops trying to progress, they are in severe trouble.  Satan tries to lull us into the “all is well” state of mind.  As soon as we think we are doing well, we are open targets for pride, the biggest cause of sin among the human race.

I received mail from Jennifer Eilers, Mom, and Grandpa Hansen today.  It was sure a boost to here from them.  Everything is going well back home.  My family went on a vacation to Colorado to see the Fredericks and just had a great time.  I miss my family, but I know that what I am doing is more important than being home right now.  All of those sick feelings I had inside all summer while Kristin was cheating on me are gone.  I should had listened to the Spirit and broken things off with her when I was in Visalia.

Nov 3, 1991

Church today was quite disappointing.  We only had about 50 people show up and no investigators.  I’m not too sure about what to do.  We will be meeting with President Davis on Tuesday morning.  I’m not sure what we will come up with, but I hope that we’ll  be able to come up with something.

After church I went with Brother Dyas to the home of Yia Lee. Yia lost his sight and both of his arms in the war in Laos.  Some people would say that he is lucky to be alive.  he has a great deal of faith in God and in the church.  He is also very bright.  Anyway, we went out and administered the sacrament to him.  It was really one of the best experiences of my whole mission.  I really enjoyed feeling the Spirit as I blessed the water for that humble man to partake of.  Sometimes exercising one’s priesthood can be extremely humbling.

I’m really tired.  I think I’do some planning for the upcoming week and hit the sack.

Nov 6, 1991

The work here is going well.  I feel good about what is happening.  I really have had a lot of good experiences here in Merced all ready.  We taught 6 discussions today, so it was definitely a good day.  The only problem with days like this is getting a chance to rest.  

I got up early this morning and went with Elder Pea to lift weights. It sure felt good to exercise again.

Nov 7, 1991

Well, today was zone conference.  President Bott said a number of things that really helped me.  He talked on how to get answers from prayer and how to know whether or not that answer is from Satan.  The most important thing that he told us was that the Lord always tells us in our hearts and our minds.  This was very important to me personally.  My relationship with Kristin had felt right for a long time, but it has never made logical sense.  President reminded me that I must receive answers to prayers in both my heart and my mind.  I am very grateful for the difficult problems that my relationship with Kristin had given me.  It has helped me to learn many things that will help me for the rest of my life.  I have learned that Satan can answer a prayer incorrectly to lead us astray.  He can answer in out hearts or our minds, but never both. I had been sorely deceived.  Satan had at times answered me in my mind & at times in my heart, but never both simultaneously.  I can’t believe I forgot that.  However, I also believe that my relationship with Krisitin was her chance for complete repentance and a temple marriage.  The Lord knew she would blow it, but the chance had to be given her.  That way she could never say that she never was forgiven for the sins of her youth.  The chance had to be given her basically for her own damnation.  I hope that  someday she can work things our, but at this point I have to say that I can not righteously recommend her to the Lord.

10/24-10/31/1991

Oct 24, 1991

Well, transfer calls came yesterday and I got transferred.  I am now in Merced, California.  There is a large number of Hmong people here.  my companion, Elder Jepson, speaks Lao.  I’m not real excited to be in a zebra companionship again, but if that is what the Lord wants, that is what I will do.

Kia Her called me on the phone this morning before I left.  She told me that she had been praying for 3 years that her husband would decide to get baptized.  She told me that she had been praying for 3 years that her husband would decide to get baptized.  She told me how grateful she was that the Lord had sent me to Stockton to baptize them.  You know, having her say that makes all of it worthwhile, all of the problems frustrations, and difficulties just fade in comparison to the joy that had come into my life by teaching the gospel to the Hmong people.  How could anything ever compare to that?! My time in Stockton was well spent.

Merced seems to look pretty good.  Elder Baker was here tight before me & he seems to have quite a bit going.  I met with that branch president today.  He seems to have a very good understanding of the hmong people and is excited to be working with them.

I am excited to get a fresh start again here in Merced.  it has been will over a year since there were Hmong baptisms here, so I’ll just have to find the ones that are ready now.  Surely in over a year someone had been prepared.

Oct 25, 1991

I can not believe that it is Friday all ready!  This week has absolutely flow by!  Today went really well.  i can’t help but feel like we just don’t have enough time to devote to the Hmong program.  I am sure that as I get used to things I will feel less urgency.  It had been a long, long time since anything at all happened in the Hmong program here.  I really hope that I will be able to act as an instrument in the Lord’s hands so that things can get going the right direction here.

We spent a few hours today with President Davies, the pres.  of the hmong branch here.  He took us around to see some of the members here and to help me get to know the area a little.  He seems to be a pretty good dug.  I am looking forward to working with him.  It should be a good experience.

I still haven’t heard from Kristin.  i guess that maybe she has decided that she doesn’t want to ever talk to me again.  I wish that she would at least write to me so I knew how she was doing.  Even though she has done things that probably make it impossible for us to ever get back together, I would still like to be able to be her friend.  I don’t know what will ever come of this whole mess that she’s created, but I hope she can pull out of it and get on with working out her salvation and exaltation.

Oct 27, 1991

today has been a pretty good day. Church attendance in our branch is not very good.  I’m not too sure about what we can do to get that squared around.  Apparently there are a large number of members in our branch that attend other churches.  That is definitely not a good sign.  I certainly don’t know for sure what to to do about it.  Right now we meet on our own for sacrament meeting and all that, but the primary and mutual all meet in conduction with an American ward.  They have only bee doing it this way for about 2 months.  I think that it is definitely hard on the Hmong youth to be around the Americans.  The Americans are just a lot more forward with members of the opposite sex than the Hmong kids are.

Yesterday, we were able to teach quite a few discussions.  It was a good day.  I was able to find a couple of really good Hmong families.  I really have a good time when I get to teach people about Jesus Christ.  Teaching the gospel is great.  There are a lot of really good families that we are working with here.  I really hope and pray that we will be able to act in a way that will enable them to be baptized. 

October 29, 1991

Well, we had out first Z.D.M. in Merced today since I got here.  They told us some things about the mission that were not very food at all.  For instance, there were only 43 baptisms last month in the whole mission.  That is not very food at all.  That is by far the lowest it has been for years.  I’m not sure what the problem is, but I am sure that President will help us figure it out on November 7th at Zone Conference.

After Zone Meeting, we went and saw quite a few people.  It was pretty fun.  I went on team-ups tonight with Veny Lee(Vwj Lis).  It went pretty well,  We taught a discussion to an inactive family.  After the discussion, their boy, 18, brought out an old hymn book and asked me to find “that song that the missionaries always sing.”  He wanted to sing “Called to Serve.”  It turns out that he wants to go on a mission, but he isn’t sure if he could don it or not.  I had a really long talk with him and told him what a wonderful thing my mission had been for me.  I hope that the will be able to go on a mission.  It makes me so happy to see Hmong boys trying to prepare themselves to serve missions. 

We ended up teaching 4 discussions today, so that was a pretty good day for having Z.D.M. all morning long.

Oct 30, 1991

Things are still going quite well here in Merced.  We taught 3 more discussions today.  The biggest problem that we are having is our inability to follow-up on the commitments that people here are making.  I have been scheduling follow-up appointments, but the families keep missing them.  i’, not to sure as to what we can do to improve that situation.  Maybe I’ll have to sit down with each of them and explain the importance of follow-up visits.  i’m still trying to get a grip on just exactly how things work around here, but I’m doing pretty well, I think I hate the felling of not knowing what’s going on when I get transferred.  It always seems to take me longer to get adjusted than I would like.

The weather here had taken a definite turn for the worse over the past week.  Today the high was only 65 F.  i hate cold weather.  Especially when I’m riding my bike.  What I ought to do is to go get some warm gloves. maybe I’ll do that next month.

i still haven’t received any mail from home since my last transfer.  I hope that everything there is all right.  Kristin hasn’t written for a long time either.  I wish I knew how she was getting along.

Oct 31, 1991

Well, as can be imagined Halloween is not the very most productive day of the year for missionaries.  In fact, after about 5:00 pm it proved to be just about worthless.  We spent the evening  over at one of the Spanish member’s houses doing basically nothing.  Our zone- leaders told us that from 5:00 on it was P-day tonight, so we just kind of took it easy for the night.

We only managed to teach one discussion to a Hmong family today.  i am still feeling somewhat frustrated at out inability to follow-up effectively.  i still don’t know what to do to change that I guess.  I’ll just keep praying for help.  i am feeling some of the same frustrations that I felt at the beginning of mission.  i don’t feel like we are reaching enough people.  how can we reach more people?  There are people all around who are hurting.  They don’t have the gospel and we are not being effective in taking it to them.  I  need to have more faith.  I need to challenge more effectively.  My confidence has really been shaken over the last few months.  i need to challenge people to be baptized.  I need to set dates and do it.

10/16-10/23/1991

Oct 16, 1991

well, it had been quite a while since I wrote anything here.  I talked to my mission president a few days ago about Kristin.  Her bishop from BYU had already called my mission president.  Disciplinary councils are being held right now in Provo for both Darin and Scott based on their relationship with Kristin.  She had put her eternal salvation and exaltation in serious jeopardy.  I can not believe how much I actually trusted her.  I can’t believe all of the lies she has told me.  I wonder how many of the the things she has ever told me are even true.  I honestly hope that she can get her life back in order, but I also realize that it may be years before that can ever be done.  She had the free agency to destroy our relationship, and she did it.  I wonder how I will ever know who “the right girl” is?  I felt so strongly about her, but it just simply wasn’t to be.  I know beyond a doubt that things between us would have been wonderful if she had been faithful to the Lord and to me.  She threw it all way for the sake of sexual stimulation.  I cannot believe it.  i hope that someday she can realize what she has done, not only what she has done to me, but also what she had sone to herself.

Eternal salvation traded for a chap and temporary thrill- what a terrible waste! How stupid!!

Oct 17, 1991

Today was a pretty good day.  I spent all day with Elder Watson tracting our Cambodian complexes.  i am so grateful to be working with Hmong people.  We traced all day long and yet we only got in at one house.  If that happened in the Hmong program, I think I would start to hate getting up in the morning.

I had Elder Watson and Davies give me a blessing last night to try and help me out with this situation with Kristin.  i feel quite a bit better now. Priesthood blessings always seem to help.  I can’t say that I have gotten over the whole thing yet, but I’m getting there.  i can not believe the pain that this whole thing has caused me.  I cannot believe that anything could hurt that badly.  I am still praying that Kristin will get things straightened out in her own life.  I just keep things that I will soon wake up and this will all just be a terrible night-mare.

The Hmong program here had really been picking up a lot lately. There are so many people that we are trying to teach that we can not hardly seem to keep up with all of them.

I’m still struggling with Kristin’s situation, but I’m getting there.  i constantly strive to remember that the Lord knows what is best for me, I have to trust in him.

Oct 18, 1991

Kristin mailed me a big box of stuff today. She sent me a lot of my things.  I went through all of the stuff that she went and soared all of it out.  I can’t believe what has happened to us!  We were so close, so in love, such good friends.  What happened?  How could the whole thing just fall apart like it did?  Going through all of those things made me realize what it was like to be in love.  It was absolutely wonderful! I wonder if that can ever happen to me like that again.  I realized something while I was going through all of that stuff- It doesn’t have to be over.  I don’t have to decide tight now whether or not things between me and Kristin will work.  It was so wonderful once.  i wonder if it could be like that again?  Of course, she has a lot to change before it could be that way again.  She has a lot of repenting to do.  i really don’t know if she’ll ever do it or not.  I don’t know whether things between us could ever work out or not.  i do know that I am not going to make that decision now.  I will make that decision when I get home.

We picked up a really good family tonight! I love teaching the gospel.  I would not trade anything for this experience, not even Kristin.  I wish she had not done the things she has done, but I’m glad it happened now instead of after we were married.  i still love her and I still miss her.

Oct 19, 1991

Wow!  Teaching the gospel is the greatest!!  Today was really a great day.  We were able to teach three discussions today, so that was nice.  i have really grown to love my job as a missionary lately. No matter how bad I have felt about my situation with Kristin, teaching always makes me fell better.

Oct 20-Oct 26 1991

Dear President Bott,

I want to tell you about something that happened to me the morning that I left Stockton.  I got a phone call from Kia Her, the mother of one of the families that we baptized recently in Stockton.  She told me that she had been praying for three years that the Lord would send someone to Stockton that could get through to her husband so that their family could be baptized.  She then told me how grateful she was that the Lord had sent me to baptized them.  All of the sacrifices fade in comparison to the joy that it brings to hear someone say that.  It was a very humbling experience.

I am very excited about Merced.  Elder Baker had really got some good things going.  I hope that we can capitalize on some of those things and get some long overdue baptisms here in Merced.  Thanks for everything.

Oct 20, 1991

Dad & Todd have both called me this morning.  They (Todd) found out about Scott Jorgenson being disfellowshipped over his relationship with Kristin.  They were both really concerned about me & if I knew or how I was taking it if I knew.  It is really nice to know that my family cares.  I was kind of afraid about how I would look to my family once this whole mess came out.  I was certainly comforted by the response of my family. Todd reiterated several times that it was not a reflection on me.  I am sure glad that I found out what kind of a person Kristin really is before I married her.  Without me ever serving another mission, Kristin will never have another period of probation to prove herself again.  She should have married Darin or Scott when she had the chance.  I will definitely be far more careful concerning the choices I make about the girls I date in the future.  I have got to learn to listen to the Spirit better.  That is going to take some practice.

10/8-10/15/1991

October 8, 1991

Zone Conference today was great!  I really enjoy listening to President Bott.  He told us about some things that we can do to be more effective missionaries.  Sister Bott gave a really good talk on using the scriptures.  In fact, I liked her talk so much that I gave it tonight in our scripture study class. Our scripture study class went really well too.  We actually had about 10 people show up.  It was great!  we even had two men show up.

After zone conference, we had a tough duty to attend to Chua Yang called us last night to tell us that she was having a birthday party for her husband. The hard part is that her husband is going to leave her at the end of the month.

It was so sad to see her try to hold things together.  She thought that if she could make him happy, he would stay.  He says that he is not angry at her, he’s just leaving.  She went through the temple about 2 months ago.   I sure wish that there was something that I could do to help her.

Kristin continues to seem farther and farther away.  I wish I could do something to make her want to be close to me, but I guess she had to have her free agency too.

Oct 11, 1991

The past couple of days have been really tough. Last night, Kristin called.  She told me a lot of things that I didn’t want to hear.  I feel like I have been kicked right in the stomach.  She had not been honest with me at all about her relationship with Scott Jorgensen while she was at BYU. How much can I be expected to take?  I guess that the important thing is that she told me about it and that she is trying to take care of it.  I can’t believe it.  She still needs to talk to her bishop, she said.  I guess that our future relationship depends an awful lot on what the result of those interviews is.  I’m not going to write anymore right now.  I need to spend some time on my knees.

10/1-10/7/1991

Oct 1, 1991

Today was the Asian Conference in Fresno.  It was really fun.  It was sure good to see everyone and here how all of the people that I have worked with in different areas are doing.  it was also good to be able to listen to President Bott.

We spent a great deal of our time there evaluating the different areas, but we spent very little time actually talking about ways to improve things there and now.  This conference was mostly a forum for President Bott to gather information from all of the Asian missionaries at the same time.  i found that there was a wonderful spirit present at the conference.  It is truly an honor to have the opportunity to serve with so many of the Lord’s choice servants.  

I did learn one thing today that was fairly disappointing.  The priesthood lines of authority do not always work as they should.

Tonight we gave Cheng Mous’s boy, Vue, the Aaronic Priesthood under the direction of our branch president so that he can do baptisms for the dead tomorrow.  

October 4, 1991

The past few days I have not felt very well at all. I have had a cold, stomach ache and headache.  In addition to that, it has been about 100 degrees all week.  However, it is supposed to start cooling down soon.

Kristin is really having a hard time.  i think this is probably the hardest time that she has had yet.  I don’t know what I can do to help. I miss her a lot, but I don't know how to help her.  I think that she is feeling a lot of stress over the changes that could come into her life in the nest year.  I am not too sure how to help her, but I’ll sure give it my best.

Missionary work here is going really well.  I sometime get frustrated by how slowing things of, but I am sure that the Lord is doing it His way.  i only hope that I am able to fulfill my part of His wonderful plan.

I’d better go and eat lunch.  I’ll write more tomorrow.

Oct 5, 1991

General Conference is certainly one of the greatest events to take place on the face of this earth in any year.  What a wonderful opportunity it is to be able to sit at the feet of the prophets and hear the counsel of the Lord.  If I was to study those talks until next General Conference, I don't think that I could ever learn the true value of the words which were spoken today.  I think that perhaps I know now what it must have been like to sit at the feet of King Benjamin as he taught the Nephites.  i have so much to learn about this simple gospel that I teach on a daily basis that I don’t understand how I will err be an adequate teach of the truth.

I feel somewhat better today than I did yesterday.  I am still quite concerned about Kristin.  She seems to be so far away.  I am sure that the Lord will take care of her, but I sure do worry about her.

I received a letter from mom today.  She is doing well, as is the rest of the family. It was really good to hear from her.  letters sure mean a lot to mea as a missionary. No matter what happens to help a missionary, nothing can ever compare to a simple expression of love from a loved one at home.

(I love you boys, more that you know!- Mom)

Oct 6, 1991

Today has been truly one of the spiritual highs of my entire mission.  I love to hear the apostles teach about Jesus Christ.  If only I was as good at doing what they teach me as I am at listening to the words that come out of their moats.  i have so far to go and so much to learn.

Every Sunday we go to the Henefer’s house for dinner.  One of their tow daughters.  (Both of which have been divorced) has been dating a guy who is currently taking the missionary lessons. We had the opportunity to teach the family about how to receive answers to their prayers.  It was actually a chance to teach him the same thing without him even knowing it.  The Spirit there was really strong.  I absolutely love being able to feel the Spirit.  i only wish that I could live to be more worthy of the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  I am definitely at one  of my spiritual peaks on my pathway to perfection.  i wish that I could always feel like this, but then I guess that the Lord knows better than I what is best for me.

The gospel is true.  Being a missionary is awesome.  I love Jesus Christ with all of my heart.